where am I?

This month has been an emotional rollercoaster, and yet today I still don't know where things are and what will be in the future. 

After an actual breakup I came to realise a lot of things about the relationship I was in and about my own actions and attitudes towards it. I realised I love this guy more than I thought and that I don't really want a life without him. 

With that said, things are of course not that black and white. But the bigger picture is that when I am to settle down and start a family I want support from my family, and get guidance from my parents. I think it's something every woman would like to have if possible. 

Love is not an issue for us, there's plenty... and the last couple of days has really shown me that. What I feel at this moment in time is that us being together IS the right thing, and that any obstacle down the line we can deal with when it becomes relevant in time. 

I understand the reason to end things now, because it would be the easy thing to do. Then it would be no obstacles to deal with later on. But I just can't believe that the future, that is not even set in stone, is the cause to us not being and loving eachother now. 


I actually don't know what I am feeling - I can't really process what is going on. I am just wandering around. Not numb, just feeling something I can't put my fingers on. But I really do hope that it will all be clear soon.