Let the anaesthetic cover it all

So my mood is twisted. One part of me is a bit frustrated. The non-student part, and I don't really know why or why I let it become that way. But then the student part of me is happy. I've been transcribing some vocals from a Queen song. I don't know when I started, but I've done 14 bars. I know it's not too much, but still, I'm doing it.

bad weather

WOW this was some heavy raining. I'm glad I stayed at home! I almost though the window would break. Maybe the storm Dagmar headed this way?

Something has got a hold on me

I'm back at home. I have only packed up my bag, or half of it, and watched a film. Now I'm watching another film and then I'm heading to the gym. I need to clear my head, and put my blood in circulation.

Coming back wasn't really how I expected. Or I mean, I'm glad to be back to my life, but I forgot how complicated things were. I just don't know what to do to undo the complications. I feel tired already.

And I just realized I have to go to the gym now or not at all today.
I was hoping I was gonna say I'm going, but I'm gonna stay at home and go first thing tomorrow morning. I feel like singing, and I haven't felt like it in a while now. Plus it's time for me to start practicing.

Lounge Talk

I'm sitting in the lounge in Olso on my way back to London. I've never been in an airport lounge before. So for once I feel like I'm better than all those regular people out there. Or not, but it's very nice for a change. Thank you dad!

But I curse myself a bit for having breakfast at home. Now I'm filling myself up, just because it's for free. Haha, but you know what they say... eh, I don't know what they say in English, but "free tastes best" is how we say in Sweden.

I'm seriously gonna sort my diet out when I get back to London. I can't wait to hit the gym today too.

Wow, it's so quiet here.

You gave me something that I didn't have

Waking up wasn't too hard today after three hours of sleep. I did not feel like working but for some reason in the end I always seem to enjoy the day. I do have one of the most grateful job you can have.

I was so lucky on my way home. My very good friend Leopold ran into me on the tube and since I didn't have time to see him this time, I am really grateful for the 20 minutes we could have for a chat.

Now I'm checked in and I'm about to pack my super big bag. I'm feeling now that I'm really tired, but I'm gonna stay awake and just fall into a heavy sleep early tonight. My flight leaves at 7.30 am.

memory lane

So, I'm going up in less that four hours. My friend Emilie has been over. I cooked a nice meal and we've been talking about problems and happy things. Then we were going through my traveling pictures from my long journey that started almost two years ago. I can't believe it has been so long when I think about it.

Well, I'm not very tired and I know I should pack my bag. So maybe I should pack some of it, and then straight to bed. Have a good night! :)

shining ztar

I just felt like putting up a picture, and this is what happened during the photoshoot. I do think that if I wasn't this short, I would def. be a supermodel. Not.

Oh well.. I'm off for a lunch with my good friend Ross. Later.

that's it.

I had such a nice time at my dad's and my stepmum cooked on amazing turkey for dinner. We gave away the last christmas gifts and everyone was happy. It was so nice, and as always it ends too soon. I can't believe that I'm only there about four to six times a year now when I'm living in London.

And my brother, his girlfriend and I had a nice time in the car on our way back, but it ended up in a fight between them. It really brought my mood down and I swore to myself that I will never be treated like or talked to, like the way that my brother behaved tonight. Great ending.

D day + 2

Good morning. Boxing day!

It's 8.30 am and I'm heading into town for some possible shopping before heading to my dad's for a nice lunch. My stepmum cooks amazing food!

So yeah, happy boxinday!

post christmas post

I'm back from the Christmas celebrations with my family. I had such a nice time and I got great gifts, that prabably will be used a lot. And the best part was that everyone seemed to be really happy for the gifts I got them. Even my brother that got a one piece with skeleton print on wore his gift for a bigger part of the night.

My gran, aunt and I went to the cemetary to put candles for my grandad. It was so nice and the walk was well needed after all the food.

Then today we went to my great grandmum to have a christmas lunch. She was so cute telling my mum that she was big and soft. I was soft too, but not much, and my brother was big with big muscles. She is 101 years old, and it's just so amazing when you think about it.

Well, now I'm home and I don't really know what to do. I wanna meet up with people, but it's Christmas day and I don't expect many to have time... Plus it's pitch black, at 3.40 pm, and I feel a bit tired. Christmas is hard...

Merry merry Christmas

Heading to my gran in just a minute. It really doesn't feel like Christmas eve, but hey, we do get to give our gifts away today, so I can't wait! :)


If only there was a bit of snow...

I'll say it a little louder, or ever shout

Ho ho ho! Tonight Santa is coming to Sweden.

I have been working 15,5 hours today, and my feet are so soar I have a hard time walking. It's getting quite late so I better make a move for a shower and then hit the bed. I'm actually over tired and don't really feel tired, but I know for sure that one I hit the light and lay me head on the pillow I'm out. So that's what I'm heading for.

I'm really looking forward to spend tomorrow with my family. It won't be the same without my grandad, but he's never far away in my thoughts. Wish you were here.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

pigs and swines

The PT was here, and he was piging out big time. I like it when I see that... makes me feel a bit better about myself for some reason. Haha.

Well. Since I'm working 7.30-22.00 tomorrow, yes, 14.5 hours straight, I will now go and get ready for work bed and have a good nights sleep. I'm pretty tired now anyways!

Good night fellows

let me out

Today was a very nice and twisted day.

I woke up and went to work in the dark morning. I amost slipped again.

At work I didn't have much to do, so I could have a 40 min walk along the water, sooooo nice! And all the people I went home to were reallt kind too. So that was super nice.

Then, when I was gonna take home a 90 year old lady after day care, we got stuck in the elevator. There we stood for about 25 minutes and the poor lady got a huge back pain, and there was nothing I could to but to help her stand. And then finally we got let out and then I more or ledd had to carry her up to the 4th floor.

And I made some shopping for myself. Well needed underwear and a pair of shoes. Or two pairs. But I'm returning one pair tomorrow.

I've had a huge bowl of macaronies and meatballs. Or four. God. I need to restrain myself, this won't do.

Good night 21st

Then I finished my more than one hour worth of vocal excercises and went to bed to cuddle up with a film. Great ending.

December 21st

Even though today wasn't very productive I must say it has been a happy happy day.

I woke up, talked to my mum without fighting.

Then she gave me a letter that was for me. My very good friend is getting married next summer and I'm so happy for her!

I finished my book, it was very nice!

I saw Friends with benefits. If only things were as easy as on film.

I almost slipped and fell on my ass when I was walking to the tube. I thought it was funny.

I loved going in a open fresh tube into central.

The gym session with my friend fucking killed me. My body was litterally shaking and even though my willpower was there my muscles refused listening after a while. I'm gonna feel so damn good tomorrow! He's such a good trainer I think, so I'm just very lucky to have him as one of my best friends.

I realized I have to go shopping for myself. I litterally have no underwear at my mums anymore, if we're not counting my Kermit the frog ones that I had when I was 14.

I'm gonna have an early evening just relaxing. Maybe do some vocal excercises before I hit the pillow.

I'm working tomorrow. So I can make someone else happy.

time

Hey hey, today has been very chillaxed. I've amost finished my book and I've watched Friends with benefits. Now It's time to get out of this pj's and into the training gear. Oh yes, I'm excited!

if no one else has a better idea.

Woke up having a rather nice long chat to my mum about nothing and everything. good way to wake up.

Now it's almost 11 am and I feel that the day is passing away without me filling it with goodness. I have plans to go and train with the PT at 4 pm, but until then I don't have a clue. Maybe I'll just go to the sofa and finish my book. Yes.

give without expecting

Some intense christmas card writing...

I'm back again!

I'm in Sweden!

Or I have been for a couple of hours now, but I've spent time talking to my brother and wrapping up all my christmas gifts. I'm so happy and a bit confused too! I might have to go into the city to add something to the pile.

Oh well, it's almost 2 am here so I better get to bed. Tomorrow I might be baking with my mum, but hopefully I will go to my friends gym where he works as an official PT! I'm so excited, the scale here in Sweden must be wrong! Honestly.

such a beautiful day

I felt like it was time for an update.

I called in sick on Sunday and my boss basically told me not to bother coming back. Nice one, I feel so loved at that place.

Anyways, on Sunday I went for lunch wiht my bf and his family. It was such a nice time and I think they are adorable. It's crazy how ones family can be so different from another!

Then we walked around in shops and eventually we bought some DVD's to watch on the new TV that his parents gave him for Christmas. Awesome. But we ate so much shit.

We both woke up and went to the gym yesterday, and I really pushed myself. My body hurts today and I love it.

We went out shopping again, and again we ended up buying DVD'ss to watch on the TV.

I've had two perfect days and tonight I'm leaving for Sweden. It kind of feel bittersweet, but I'm excited to see my family together again! :)

Hear inside my head

I'm writing here so much that I forget to, and get too lazy to, update my actual diary. I love looking back in my old books, just going back in time and remember what the day was like and how you felt, whan you were thinking about.

I've started to pack my bag a bit. I have to fot as much as I can since I wanna take home al the shit I'm not using or need this season, since I have to move soon. I know, it's official, and it maked me really sad. That's why I don't wanna pack my bag. I know that's the beginning of the end here.

sometimes in life you don't see straight

So today was pretty shit at work. It was freezing cold at first and my boss was not very understanding. Plus it was dead quiet until about 4pm. Then the rush came.

But after work my co worker came with me and I bought almost all of the gifts I have to buy for Christmas, so I feel very pleased about that. It's only for my dad left I think. But I think he will get the nicese one too!

8th day of christmas

Yesterday I was working, and it was really quiet. Then I went out with the bf for some Christmas shopping, and I did good I think. Or maybe a bit one sided, but hey, still good.

Then we went to the old restaurant we used to eat at before we moved. It was nice, but for some reason I was really sad. And then I got more sad, took a shower and passed out on the bed.

Today I'm working, and it's gonna be crazy as hell. Not looking forward to it at all, but I have to get through today to be able to write tomorrow how I spent my last day at work. SO looking forward to that!

I got that feeling

I have had such a nice cozy night with my friend Elin. I was inviting her over for a Swedish feast for dinner and some Swedish mulled wine and ginger bread for dessert. Plus, we watched the recording of our end of term gig, and we were happy about it. AND we watched Pocahontas and read hour horoscopes. Such a nice night.

And tomorrow I will start the last weekend of work. Then I'm free from labour!

I'm stronger and I'm better and I'm ready for whatever

Yesterday I ended up going home to my friend. Chatting, drinking tea and eating ginger bread. A good compensation from the turn around plans that didn't happen.

I have spent this morning fixing all the details for my arrangement that is gonna be played today. I am so relieved that I can put this behind me now.

So I'm off to have my piano class and print out the scores before I have the exam! Later!

Or not

So I just found out that the gig that was gonna start in like one hour is cancelled. Apparently the venue is too small and only has one speaker. I just can't believe how late they found this out. So I just hit a wall and am confused. To be continued.

oh, wait til' you see me smile

Today I had my theory exam, and to be very honest I though it went well. But I might as well have compleately missunderstood the thing. Oh well, I'm so glad that that's over too.

Tomorrow I have my last thing fot this term. It has become time to show the teacher our composition assingments. I got some help today, last minutet fixes, and everything should be fine for tomorrow.

Tonight I'm going to the 3rd years end of term gig. I'm really excited. This week brings a lot of fun occations, so I'm really glad that's how this term ends. I'm a happy girl.

good girl gone bad

I had such a good vocal class with my teacher today. And she said I'm learning so fast too, wich makes me happy, since I do practice almost every day.

We also did Autum Nocturne, and Jeeeesus what a hard song it is!

Now just got home from the gym and I'm making pasta and meatballs for dinner. Well, at least it's food. I've been such a slack lately.

lost and found

Today I ate my first warm meal in about 2,5 days.. I can't believe that I compleately lost my appetite from all that red wine we drank on Saturday. I have litterally been living on sweets and crisp bread the past two days. Not good, not good at all. But as said, I had my porridge for breakfast and it was amazing!

early resolutions

I have had a good nights sleep and I can feel that my ass is in pain from yesterdays work out. I like it!

So now, for the first time in a long time, I'm gonna practice on my keyboard. I can't remember the last time, and that makes me feel bad. After I quite my job, I'm gonna put down at least one hour a day for vocal excercise, and at least one hours a day on my piano skills.

this bird has flown.

My exam today was pretty shit. But I don't really care right now to be honest. I know I will have to step up my game next term, and I will do it.

I thought I was gonna come home and practice some more, or maybe clean. But now I'm on gumtree...

I kind of saw it coming a long time ago, but hope is the last thing that leaves you. But the fact is here and I have to move out from this amazing place I finally called home and away from this amazing person that has become my family in this city. But I'm sure I can find something nice somewhere else, I just don't really want to. And I just don't wanna go through all the shit I went through last year when I moved around...

time for your debut

So have been practicing for about two and a half hour and I'm getting a bit bored. It's almost time to go to school, but not quite, so I'm just hanging about.

nobody knows you're in head

Morning.

Doing my vocal exercices and then I'm gonna practice for the exam we have today! And then I'm heading to the gym after school today. I'm sooooo looking forward to it.

spread your wings to the wind

Okay.... not much is going on and I'm getting bored of doinf nothing. So I'm gonna practice some more I guess. I can't find my power lead for my keyboard, this would be a great time to get some practice done. And the gym closes in like one hour, so that won't happen today eighter...

Oh, I just realized I haven't eaten anything but sweets and one satsuma today. So maybe I should cook too?

Later I think I might go to my friends open mic gig. We'll see.

red red wine, stay close to me

Morning world.

I just got home after spending the night at my friend Marie's. I didn't plan that to happen, but after three bottles of wine between four girls and not too much to eat.. it just kind of happened. For now I'm not tired and I don't have a hangover, but I'm sure both will kick in eventually. I'm just sooooooo thirsty!

Now I'm gonna to practice some!

lördag

Good morning. It's 7,30 and I'm up to do my vocal excercises before heading to work. I'm so tired of that place, yet I'm gonna miss it a bit. Or not. Well, I have four more shifts to go before I'm free, I can't wait!

eeeeh, just dance

I really changed my mind, and not because I'm lazy, but because I realized again I have a mirror in my living room and I feel like dancing! :D

Slap the wobble and ride along

So I think i know all the songs we need to know for our exam on Monday. I have been practicing some vocal improv too. Still sounds like shit, but hey, it's a progress.

I do think that the darkess outside is telling me to stay here where I am, warm under a duvet. But the increased wobble on my belly is telling me to cut the crap and get to the gym, PRONTO!

But after having a quick check in the new mirror I put up yesterday I have to say that the lost abs won by miles. I'm heading there in a jiff!

bluuuaah

So my mum and her bf has left. We had fun, but it's kind of a relief too since I still have tons to study. I had a lot of fun, and I thin kI might have gained one kilo in two days. Endless with sweets. I actualy feel a bit sick.

I am studying a bit now, then I will try and force myself to go to the gym. I need to get back into the habbit of it. I have missed it so much!

RELIEF!

I told you I wasn't gonna write anything about my composition until I'm done.

So here we are, finally, I'm DONE! Well, it's handed in, but I'm still gonna change it a bit for the actual performance of it that's due next Thursday. I am so relieved you can't understand. This has also made me a lot more excited about some other assignments we have this year. So I'm gonna get going on that soon too!

And yesterday we had our end of term gig. I am really happy with the performance even though I can't really remember anything from it. I remember at some point I was just thinking that it felt like I wasn't even singing, but the words just came out from my mouth.

Well, people were happy and our teacher said we will get great marks for it. So I'm really pleased!

My mum and her bf is here, and today we went to Winter Wonderland. It was AMAZING. I can't believe the world that has been created in Hyde Park. I really got the christmas feelings, plus frozen feet. So we walked to Primark so that they could see if there was anything else they could find. (They went to the Hammersmith Primark earlier today for like three hours or so...)

Anyways, I'm really excited because tomorrow I'm gonna head back to the gym. I has been over two weeks since the last time I had the time to go there and my abs are gone. So good night my friends!

fuck sake

This will be the second to last fucking post I write about my composition.

Today I found out a lot of stuff that has to be on there, which the teacher has told some groups but not others. Fucking hell. I though I had things under control, and now what? Yet another late night and a morning where I should prepare myself for tomorrow nights gig, go to class, host my mum and her boyfriend and not worry about composition! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

The last one about this shit will be when I'm done, no more boring posts!

so what

Almost there... I'm slacking with the composition now, so I decided to practice something else now and finish it tonight!

I kind of need to make lunch now before I leave for work. Hmm, pasta and ketchup? The good old student food haven't been cooked in a very long time!

Second advent

The Christmas thingy was soo nice! I got two presents from the game we played. One chocolate bar and one bag of porridge. Everyone was fighting over the gift I bought, a cup, with a bag of chocolate powder and some baileys and chocolate.

We ate rice pudding, and made christmas stars and drank mulled wine.
I think I really needed to get away from my composition for a bit. I have tonight and tomorrow before I want it to be finished. And as I said, it's shit, so I'm just looking beyond this now.

These walls, why do we need them?

Enough!

I'm going out to have som fun instead!

"Working from home"

there will never be another you

Went to my friends last gig in London before they're heading to South Africa for a two months tour with their band. They we're so awesome yesterday, what a show. They're called The Curious Incident if anyone fancy checking them out.

I will miss my friends, but two months is gonna go by so quickly and they'll be back just before I know. I am so happy for them though! :)

So I'm working on my composition, I think it's gonna pass, but not much more than that. You know, it has gotten to the point where I don't really care anymore!

Oh and by the way. I'm going to Sweden 20th-29th of December! Thank you dad!

i guess i am tired now

Fail on going up early to study. Almost fail of going up for work too.

Put a smile on that face

Hey hey... work was good today. Nothting very special, just good. My boss is a bit upset because I'm leaving before they expected me to. But you know, I realized that I'm ust a number and it's not really me they want there... they just want someone. I don't think I'm just a someone, and I do think I deserve better.

So my composition is driving me a bit mad, but now when I actually know how to write it out in a correct way, (well, the basics of it) I'm starting to enjoy it a bit more. I have a long way to go, but speed is picking up a bit! :)

1.15 am

So, as I've said just a couple of times before... I'm working really slowly here, but I'm actually starting to like my arrangement a bit better. And after doing research for inspiration, it turns out that I might be writing on this years Christmas Carol. I'm still not too far into the arrangement, but I'm sure the coin will drop and the speed will pick up.

I'm heading to bed where the bf is sleeping.

square one

So I feel bad again. After having the last composition class before handing the scores in I just realized that I have finished about 2% of my work.

So here I am, getting in to it, again. Shall we say until 2 am today maybe?

The worst part of it all that it's so many funny things going on this weekend! Boooohoooo!

AND, since I can't spent more than 5 minutes cooking, my dinner will be porridge. But I'm not complaining about that. Mum, I need loads of lingon berry jam!

drop of a stone

GOOOD MORNING!

I realized today how Sibelius, the program we use to write out music, works. Really, no wonder why everything sounded like a group of elefants next to a honking ship.

My hair is clean and I feel great. I'm still working very slowly, but at least I know, and can hear, that I'm on the right track. Now it's only creativity that can stop me!

that's that

Okay, I haven't taken my shower and I have stoppet studying.
I'm gonna wake up around 7.30 tomorrow and I'm not going to school until 3 pm, so I have a few hours in the morning.

Then my bf is coming home from his parents and we're gonna babysit a little baby boxer dog. I'm so excited, and that's why I'm gonna ba a real good student and do my very best tomorrow to get as much done as possible.

I realized that I had my dinner around five this afternoon, and that it'r almost 2 in the night. I also noticed that my entire left leg is sleeping and I wanna go and get ready for bed. Good thing I was borned with two.