I'm up in the woods

So I'm back to work. It's so long to have to wake up early like this, but at least it's easier these brighter days than a couple of weeks ago. 

I've decided that I'm gonna sit on my ass and study until 4 pm today. Then hit the gym, and then see what the evening has to offer. But since again, since I have to wake up early... nothing too exciting can or will happen. 

Mood is rather good today.

The EX

So I was cleaning my computer and I found this draft of a song that my first love from years ago wrote about me. I haven't really had any contact with him since we broke up, but I thought it would be nice to say hi after all this time. And that's that. 

And this quote is just so right. 

"My ex? We're not friends, we're not enemies. 

We're just strangers with some memories".

sundays

Dancing might cure some heart ache and restless minds, but it always gives me a stiff neck the day after. But it's all good. I'm normal again, one day at the time. 

Been cleaning today, and eating loads of chocolate and watched Grey's Anatomy with M&M. We're such a nice little family and I'm really glad I'm living with these two. It could be waaay worse!

Eh, got feedback from my composition teacher, so I'm back on Fanfare and Bebop tonight. Gotta practice my MP songs for tomorrow morning when we have the next rehearsal. So much to do!

dancing

This is gona be one of those "I wish I could" posts, so if you're not interested.. stop reading now. 

I've been dancing in my room. 
I can't believe that I almost forgot how dancing eases the heart. Maybe that's why I never felt troubled between the age 16-19. I was litterally dancing every day. For hours. 

So here it comes... 

I really wish I could afford to take dance lessons again. I used to be good. The only thing I ever felt that I was really good at, without lying. And then I just stopped. How stupid is that? And it's almost five years ago. Five good years, but still... five years without something that I love so much. 

So this I promise myself. 

Once I'm on my feet, working as normal people do, I will put on my dancing shoes again, and I might even teach like I used to, once I got all the rust off my limbs. 



But seriously, for a moment I had no troubled mind, no heavy heart. And it felt GOOD!

saturday

Pilates class was really good today. That woman is such a good instructor, it's insane!
I did kill myself today doing in total 30 min worth of intervals on the treadmill. But as soon as I run normally on 10.5 km/h my knee goes funny and now I'm hurting again. Damnit. 

I had a nice lunch with Jack and Lou after the gym session. Good people. Good talks. Then I went home to do some studying, but I still haven't started. 

I've been writing and doing vocals. I'm gonna sing some more and instead of going out with the rest of the people I think I'm gonna stay at home and have some alone time. Maybe I should go out since I've been feeling so down lately, but we'll see. Right now I just wanna buy loads of chocolate and sit on my own and get whatever done.

un-happy

I have not been happy these past days. I'm trying to be, but I'm just not. I would love to spend a weekend back in Sweden right now, away from everything really. But there is so much work that needs to be done. I can definately feel the pressure of the last sprint of college, but more so the pressure of how things are gonna work out afterwards. 

I feel a bit lonely, though I'm surrounded by these amazing people every day. And then I feel stupid for feeling sad. Oh boy.

tuuut

Today I got both my protein and my books. Exciting times! Been chilling in the sun, though covered in sun lotion. 

Ice cream, chocolate, croissant, sweets... I've been a bad girl. Did a good session with my friend Joanna at the gym though. So I guess it's alright. Gonna live the good life tonight and I'll be back on it tomorrow. Next week it's time to get messured again, so I hope things are going good. 

Eh, I'm tired.

oh yes

Again, I've been a good good girl. 

I just sent out my bebop and fanfare arrangement to my teacher. Now I'm gonna put my bikini on and go out in the sun for a couple of hours.

I think I'll give my voice another day of resting since the tonsillitis hasn't gone away yet. But I'll have a look at my strings song for sure.

we are

Today was good. I had loads of energy and the day just went smooth.

I trained twice and now I'm soooooo fucked. I think a long shower and an early night with a film in bed will do me great. Gonna wake up and do some good studying tomorrow. I will be done with the bebop and the fanfare tomorrow, and get started on the strings arrangement asap. That's the one that will need most time. 

Oh and fucking music business poop as well. But the meeting we had with this woman today was great help and I think we can pull something alright off. It's just sooo unfair that some people have had her since the start, and we only get two meetings with her, less than a month before deadline. Our grades are soo affected by shitty teaching and support during the first two terms.

ORANGE

Going back to the orange lipstick today. Oh yes.

good girl

I thought I wasn't gonna have anything to show my theory teacher tomorrow for our one hour one to on class. But now I have a harmonised Bebop arrangement AND an almost done Fanfare. Way to go me! 

Time for some sleep.

training stuff and other stuff

I managed to do 3 pull-ups and 4 chins today. I'm pretty proud to be honest. Tomorrow I'm taking a new class during lunch hours, then doing my legs in the eve. Can't wait. 

I just ordered two books from Charles Poliquin as well, which I should get around the same time as my protein next week. Exciting times, but I cannot do any more shopping, since there is no money to shop with really. 

Had a nice lunch with Steve and his mum and gran. So nice to see them again. 

Now I'm home, tired and I have loads to get done before tomorrow. But at least I am not working next week, which means that I can sit up a bit later tonight, and every night next week if needed. Nice. 

The things we do to hurt ourselves....

I wonder why we go down paths that we know will end up hurting us? I find it fasinating and foolish. We know what will happen, yet still we can't stay away. Humans...

Love Love Love

I've had suuuuuch a good day. 

As soon as the sun come out there is just something magical happening in the world. People are happier, more friendly and time doesn't really matter too much. 

I had a great pilates class, and an intense cardio session. Then I came home and sat on the balcony in my bikini, with a hungover Raae. Then we decided that a walk to Broadway Market and to London Fields would be good. Summers first ice cream... all good. 

On the way back home we walked into a store, and sometimes the world is just tooo freaking small. I met a woman and her son that used to celebrate midsummer with us a couple of years ago. When occations like this happens I just get the feeling that nothing is impossible. 

I love today. I love my slightly burned skin, and I'm even gonna love sitting in my room doing my Bebop, and possible start on my Fanfare as well.

Jesus

Spent my morning reading about the process of dying from being crusified. Pretty interesting. Now I have a Pilates class to attend to. Fuck Tonsillitis, it sucks!

finally friday

I had a better day today than yesterday. 

Work as usual.. but today it wasn't as messy as those lawyers usually tend to be.

After work I got payed and went for a little shopping spree with Andres. 

I went to the doctor that established that I have tonsillitis, which cannot come on a worse time when I only have less than two months of college left and need to be on my singing game. No prescriptions were given today. But if it doesn't go away within next week I will go back there for some drugs. 

I came home for a wuick shower and a 20 min of the season ending of Grey's Anatomy (the season D is on). Then I went for a coffee with a friend. It was suppose to be a productive writing session, but ended up just being coffee with a friend. 

Gym was great. The doctor didn't mention anything about not training, so I killed my arms today. 

Food and more Grey's Anatomy with some sobbing moments... and now we're here. 

When people die in series I just feel empty inside and don't really wanna do anything else.

long

I've had suuuuch a long day. No rest since I left the house this morning. Rehearsals, meetings, gym, rehearsals and recording of my recital. 

My voice was fucked today since I overdosed on nose spray and swollowed it down. My throat did not react well to this and my singing was very much affected. Fucking hell. 

On top of that I come home just to open up my email to see the worst feedback for out music business project. They were right in some ways, but some of their points were just stupid and inaccurate.

Fuck, I better end this day soon.

I bop, U bop, bebop my ass

I've been trying to harmonise my bebop arrangement. It's probably the hardest thing they've gotten us to do. But I will "finish" it this week, along with an idea for the fanfare, so that I can show my teacher both drafts on Monday when I have my one to one hour with the theory teacher. Good times.

Fabio

 I got a free hair cut today. It was soo nice. My guy was Gay, named Fabio, from Brazil and had a proper moustache. He made my hair look sooooo glamorous. I felt all fine when I walked out of the saloon. Then of course I went to the gym... but I must say that considering the fact that I had my hair in a bun and I was sweating, it still looks pretty good.

 

Touch down on a rainy day

It's good to be back in college. It is gonna go soo fast these two months I can tell right now. 

Yesterday was a long long day. I left home at 6.15 and came home about 15 hours later, with harldy any breaks at all. So even though I was asleep by 10.30 pm last night, I still had a hard time to stay awake today. 

Tomorrow I'm getting a free haircut, which I'm a little bit in need of to be honest. But I haven't been to a hairdresser in a while and I always remember why I let it go so long afterwards. I'm just never happy with what they do. Good thing it's only hair, and it will grow out again. Eventually. 

Anyways. It's almost 10 pm  and I'm quite ready to kick the can and go to bed.

break is over

Today has been all about chilling. Tomorrow I'm hitting it hard again. Five weeks of getting the last shit done before deadline and then there is just a few exams and two more gigs, then it's all gonna be over in two months time. God. Bring it on.

here comes the sun!

Feeling slightly off today, but it's all good. It's gonna be an all nice and easy day and an early night. Tomorrow I'm back on the diet that doesn't include alcohol and chocolate. I've been terrible with the alcohol, but actually pretty good on the sweets. Just don't feel like it. 

Eh, it is such a nice day outside and I'm definately heading out in a min!

Birthday Girl

Things got all crazy last night and it was a lot of fun. Just went with the flow. It ended up being just me, Joanna and her friend Monica. But it was all good, since those two are a lot lot of women in one.. 

A lot of dancing and A LOT of free drinks. We met this guy who I honestly think spent about 300 pounds on drinks for us all night. 

Ended up in this dirty little place called Bar One at London Brigde. It must have been about 3.30 am at this point and we spent were just dancing the night away until they closed at 6.30ish.

Came home at 7 am, took a shower and slept for about 2 hours before I couldn't sleep more. I got sucha nice breakfast today and small gifts from my wonderful flatmates and D's mom. 

Got phonecalls from my dad, mum and gran. All good. 

I went central to get myself some toys before I went back home for a quick nap before a friend came over. Good fun, though I'm soooo tired. So I reckon I will just get ready now and go to bed. Make up for the hours lost. 

Got a whole lot of stuff that needs to be done and learned tomorrow, so I gotta be somewhat rested.

24

I'm running on fake energy, that's for sure. But I gotta stick to my words and celebrate this whole week. going out to Guanabara with Joanna and Monica, London's most fruitiest girls for sure, gonna be good fun. I just need to get there, then I'll be fine. The red wine is floating through my vains as a traffic jam. 

D got to be the stylist tonight.

Tomorrow I'm gonna be 24 years old. The last year of my early twenties, and I have a feeling it's gonna be a great year. 

Aaaanywaays. I have to escape the thought of going to bed and get on the train to some heavy ass shaking clubbing. Oh yes!

b-day week

Been celebrating my birthday all this week. I'm fucking wrecked, but I'm having a lot of fun. Just a little too little sleep, since I have to wake up 5.30 every morning. 

By the end of this week or beginning of next there will be some photos of this week of celebration. 

Been studying maths with D for one hour and now we're gonna watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy and then I'm on finishing my clave and my Jazz!!

home disco

I was planning on going to bed a little over one hour ago. But we had a special guest tonight, Yannick, the guy who used to live in my room. 

This means that I have to go to bed rather sweaty and hungry, since we have spent the last 75 min dancing our asses off down in D's room. I love dancing sooooo much! This was a good start of my now ONE WEEK long celebration of my 24th birthday (that occurs next Saturday). Gonna have to celebrate the last year of my early 20's, so I though I'd give myself a week. 

BUT, I still have to wake up in five and a half hour. Buu!

quitting and hitting it hard

Spent last night with D, complaining about the MAN-kind over a bottle of wine. Ended up sitting in the kitchen until 2 am throwing some serious rapping. We're going to a hiphop-karaoke on Thursday, when I start my 3-day long birthday celebration. Oh yes, can't wait. 

I'm resigning from all men for a while. 
There are so few out there that knows how to treat a woman, so I'm not interested one bit to spend time with anyone that isn't worth my time.

Today spring was really here. It was sooo nice and warm outside.
I trained like a motherfucker, and managed to do two chin-ups in a row. 

Been studying for little over three hours with D today as well. Maths and Jazz arranging. Going better than expected and I must say I'm quite proud of the skills I thought I didn't have, maths ways..

right now I'm trying to recreate this eggplant dish that a man from Israel cooked for me in Salvador de Bahia. It was soo tasty.. that's all I remember from it, and now, over three years later I'm trying it for the first time. Exciting stuff.

world pillow fight day

Such a beautiful day outside, and I'm inside studying. It's soo long and boring. But I'm gonna get ready and go to Trafalgar Square for a huge Pillow Fight. Yes, you read the right thing, pillow fight. Gonna be awesome.

You give some, you get some

So me and D have this study pact where we spent time on things that she needs to study, and we spend time on things I need to study. Tonight we spent about one hours doing maths, and almost one hour going through jazz shit. 

I talked to Steve tonight too. Haven't seen or heard much of him lately, but you give some you get some... I haven't been great at keeping contact too. Anyways, always good to hear from him.

It's 10.30 pm and waaaay past my bed time. But I was blasting my clavé arrangement and now I feel like dancing some samba. Hypez!

Day four

What a long day. 

Came to work and my friend had forgotten the keys to the offices, so we have to go to Stockwell and back AND finish the work before 9 am. We managed to do so as well. Though I could have needed that extra hour sleep to be honest, even though I woke up 5 min before the alarm went off this morning.

For the first time in two weeks I was singing properly today. I spent 3 hours just practicing vocals and practicing my tunes for my recital. Tomorrow we have a long rehearsal. I hope people know their shit! 

I spent a good three hours at the gym. 
First I got my body fat messured by one of the trainers. 11,5% is where I landed, which is waaaaay lower than I expected. I shouldn't lose any more fat, but just for the sake of it I will try to go down to 10% this month, now when I'm on this boring "non-chocolate and cardio every day"-diet. 

Killed my ass today too. Fuck, I love training so much. I am considering taking a PT course when this degree os over, so that I don't have to work as a waitress or a cleaner, while making music. I rahter work with something I actually feel passionate about, which is music or fitness. The first is a little bit trickier to love off these days... 


Eh, yes. I'm so wrecked. But tonight I'm doing some jazz arranging.
Shit got to be done.

Day three

So back to work, so tiring to wake up early. 

Yesterday was such a good day though. 
Sun was shining bright. After work I went to the gym for a serious workout and some serious cardio. Then hungry as a bear I went down to Stockwell to meet up with Andres. We walked to Brixton where we devoured some Sourdough Pizza. AMAZING. I was so full that I would have fallen straight to sleep if we didn't walk all the way back to Stockwell. 

We finished the ballad. It's gonna be epic. We're just such a good team. One of the few reasons for me to stay here in London after college is over, which is in 2,5 months already. Fuck, I need to get a job big time.

Today I have been working on my Clavé and Jazz arrangements, but it's all going so slow to be honest. I'll give it another 45 min before I'll head to the gym. Priority on high.

sometimes you won't

Studying didn't happen tonight. Skyping with my friend Emilie and chilling with the people in the house. Good times. I'm gonna go to bed now, 10.15 pm, and wake up rather fresh at 5.30 tomorrow morning when another working week starts. Great.

Day one

I trained soooo hard today. My ass was on fire, AND I did 30 min cardio after the workout, and 30 min stretching after the cardio. I was soo hungry when I left the gym. Normally I would go and get chocolate, but today I went for a banana. 

I am sooo knackered, but it's all good. The sun is out too, which makes everything alright. 
Gonna shower and get deep into clavé again.

sleep over

I had my friend Joanna over last night. Food and wine and comedy and girl talk. Well needed and a lot of fun! 

Today I'm starting my dieting. Well, just cutting off the sweets. For real, I know it's April 1st, but this shit is gonna happen! 

Gonna send my friend off and then do a little revising before I go to the gym.