life

I'm very confused with what I want to do with things in my life, and I struggle with endless doubt. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one feeling this way. I guess I don't dare to dream and therefore I don't dare to work for something completely and whole-hearted. My attitude will have to change if I want the feeling to change..  but where do I begin?

penultimate

Today I worked my second to last shift at the reception, and after tomorrow I am free to do whatever I want with ALL of my time. 

It's not like I really mind working a few hours at the reception, but the idea of being completely in charge is very fulfilling. No more asking for permission to go somewhere, or get someone to cover a shift and work in shifts here and there. Just my own responsibility towards everything. 

here goes

Tomorrow and Saturday is my last shifts at the reception, then I'm offically ONLY doing my personal training. It is scary but such a nice feeling at the same time. 

But as I am no longer working with Arkestry, and I'm thinking about taking a little break from doing music to focus on growing my business and myself, I will be able to maximise my clients without holding back or feeling guilty. 

I still want to do music, but I don't feel that I am in the right state of mind to do it at the moment. I will still keep writing whenever I feel inspired and keep trying to learn new skills... but I need to do something whole-hearted for a while because this holding back is making me feel stressed and unfulfilled.

echo

I've had the flat alone for a week and it has been sooo nice! Except from peace and quiet, the best part has been having the whole fridge for myself. It's that one thing I am looking forward to when my time to move out has come. Honestly, three shelfs, two drawers and a door full of just MY food and food prep. Oh how I will miss these days!

passing spirit

Today my great uncle passed away. He was such an amazing man with energy like a 20 year old even this summer when I saw him. But sickness took the best of him. It took 10 days form when he was hospitilised until today when he passed.

We were not super close, but he was such an awesome spirit and I wish I have his umfh when I'm older. Sleep tight now and say hi to my grandad. Tell him I miss him loads!

Love and other positive things

How was your Valentine's day? 

I was working, 8-6, as usual. But then K took me out for dinner. We went to a nice place in Soho. Food was good, some bellydance "entertainment" (only got excited when I recognised a song... the dancer was OK) 

Work is going good, my room is clean and I'm not pregnant. Life is good in other words. 

Right now I'm trying to write lyrics for a song.. for my new project. But I'm feeling slightly distracted listening to an album from Wye Oak. I might just go down and eat and then not listening to any music and try to focus for a while. Work starts at 16.45 again. 

yo

Some days are not great. Today I'm feeling very angry and tired in my body. Probably just PMS, but it's just not a nice feeling and it's hard to shake. Guess just how little I want to go back to work in a couple of hours?!?!