possitive again.

Hey again, left the computer at my place while staying with my bf. And now he came and he bought me cheats for the piano. Coldplay and Eva Cassidy songs. I'm so happy. And today's my baby brothers 20th birthday. So Happy Birthday Albin, finally you don't have to ask anyone to buy you the shit you wanna drink. But come to London, it's cheaper to drink here.

And today I decided I'm going back to be my possitive me.

Going to Camden so see my fellow students have their assessment gigs tonight. Gonna be fun.

best bf

And I reckon I might have the nicest bf in the world. I know boys don't like the word sweet, but there's no other word that fits I think. I love it though.

no complaints

School was great today and I thought I did quite well in everything. That's not something you say often about yourself, so suck it in.

I can't believe that half of the school year has passed already. I love it so much. And I am so motivated to get in to the second year. I believe I can do it.

So I'm in the new flat and it's freezing. And tonight I'll sleep alone too. I am so used to sleep next to my warm bf, so tonight will be hard. Plus that I want to sleep next to him. I just think it's important that I give this place a fair chance. So it won't end up being like the other place; a storage.

Oh, and I'm updating my CV now. Gonna go on an interview any day soon, so I just have to update the CV I have. I recon it's the most boring thing I could do right now, but hey, you do what you have to.

Eeeh. CV is was.

JK

Just kidding. It's freezing.

hit the roof

I feel soooooo relieved now when I've officially moved out from that shithole in Earls Court. I left a note for the landlord or his assistant.

"Keys. By the way... you're having mice coming into the flat! Thanks."

Then I went to the bank to settle my internet banking. Now I can keep an eye on my money and see if the company pays me the correct amount every month. They are sneeky bastards.

I think I finally got the heating to work here at the new place. Waking up and leaving the bed this morning was harder than usual. But I think from tomorrow we'll be fine.

baptised

Long time no see. I haven't had internet again, and.... ba ba babaaam. I've moved again. Now I'm living in a really really nice place in central London with one of my customers at work. I feel truly blessed because she is taking me on like a charity work or something. Not really, but she gives me more then I could ever give back right now.

What else? Don't really know. The Curious Incident was entertaining as always and we went out dancing afterwards. I had a really good time, but not so good at work the day after.

School's back as ususall tomorrow and now when I'm having this place I actually like to be in, I will just focus so hard on school work.

Time to go christen the bed. Bye

yah

Yet another great day. Today I could tell for myself that I've become musically better. That is an amazing feeling to be able to say that about yourself.

Tomorrow I'm supporting The Curious Incident at 229. I feel like dancing.

Now I'm waiting for my lovely boyfriend to come home from work. Yesterday I suprised him with some sexy new undies. The look on his face was priceless. Not gonna happen tonight though.

welcome back black

But now I can hear that it's raining. I guess you should be thankful for when you get when you get it.

good bye grey

Today has happened in another way then thought. Instead of the gym I went to the hairdresser to get a haircut. Instead of going to school to practise I went to the bank and to return some clothes that didn't fit. And now I've been practising the last hour. Gonna do some more practising before someone comes home, and then I'm gonna go to the gym when peak hour is over.

I loved having a normal day not working and not going to school. I haven't had one, except Sundays, since I really don't remember. Some me time. And the weather was great. Hello Spring!

Woke up and it's sunny. I love waking up when the sun is up. Makes it seem that the whole day is gonna be good. And today I have that feeling. It's actually like a me day today. I'm gonna go to the gym, go to school to practise and go into central to return some things, and then study and wait for my bf to come home to tell me how his first day at school was. That sounds like a pretty good day to me.

heart day.

Things are definately falling into place here. And today at work I made as much as 21.80 pound for the company. I think they pay me about three times that for my days work.

So it's Valentines day today. My bf took me for some dinner and we had some lovely stoned sea bass. And now we just got out of the bath tub and crawling into bed to watch Inception. Just a brilliant film.

No Doubt

Serious stuff is going on right now that I feel that I need to share with you guys who cares.

First. Yesterday wasn't that good that ou might have read in the latest post. I had some serious doubt about many things and I think I almost made a great misstake splitting from my boyfriend who has done nothing but being supportive. Well we're still together and today was great. In fact, this very moment is sooooo good.

Then to the other good stuff.
I'm leaving my shit hole in Ears Court for something a better and bigger. One of my customers at Fenwick offered me to stay with her. A really nice interior designer named Sylvia. Isn't that great and exciting?!

And another thing I wanna forward is the fact that my boyfriend came home a bit drunk the other night and after he fell asleep I couldn't, so I woke him up to have sex. I love my sleeping time so that was a big deal. But don't you think that he had forgotten about it the day after? Oh yes he did. So he's meking up for it right now.

Gotta go.

doubt

There's a lot going on in my head. I really can't put thoughts into words and when I try it comes out in a bad way.

The school is making you doubt yourself all the time and even though you might have the strongest mind, it gets to you sometimes. But that's the reality of this world so I guess it's a great lesson to go through, even though you sometimes feel like shit. That your spending your time and money on something that's impossible.

On Thursday Elin and I got into talking about death. And it is a scary thing even though I'm not scared of death itself. But the thought of people you love dying is horrible and the fact that it really happen anytime... well, it makes me think that maybe I should be where my family is and just enjoy the time I have with them. I saw a man get hit by a car the other day, and it made me think.

But on the other hand I know there's only one life you get in this world, and they wouldn't want me to, and I wouldn't want to, not persue a dream and to work hard to get where I want to be. But it is hard. I miss them, and I miss my friends in Sweden. I'm terrible at keeping contact, so sometimes I wonder if they think about me as the friend I was, or if I'm a fading memory.

And finally, yes, I am sometimes doubting being in a relationship. Especially the one I'm in right now. I love the guy, but I can never give him the effection he gives to me. I'm a complex person, and emotions like you should have in a relationship is hard for me. I really can't say what I feel with the right words, and it makes me doubt because he deserves someone that's sure. I hate the feeling of being unfair, and I think that's the maid reason why I'm doubting.

Doubt.

I've heard two things about doubt.

When in doubt, leave it out. (about shopping)

When in doubt, try it and see what come out. (about music)

I just wonder what's right for me to do. I know I would not become a happy person if I didn't work harder then this to become a great and praised musician. But when it comes to love, I don't know it I have what it takes to make thing work. And that worries me.

eotgig

yeeehaa

Ticket's booked. I'm stoked!

Should I stay or should I go

I'm looking at tickets to Sweden for Midsummer weekend in June. Should I book or should I wait? I mean, I know I'm going home for sure......

keep on liftin'

I got to sing my lead song today. Funking hell. Not what I expected coming out from my mouth. But in a bad way. Sometime you just wonder why the hell you're doing something... today was one of those days. I wonder what the hell I actually can sing. I know I might be a bit too negative about myself, but seriously.

And when it comes to the backing vocals there's only 25 % that's in tune. Elin is a nerd. I wish I was a nerd too. That's why I will always carry around my small keyboard so that I can practise whenever, wherever.

Film Sunday

Watched Redemtion today. Jamie Fox always plays those smart characters. He's brilliant and the film is brilliant. Now we're gonna watch Karate Kid for a change. Isn't Will Smiths kid the cutest?

A S

Bought some Ann Summers undies a while ago. Have postponed the use of them until today. Uncomfortable shit. But at least the bf is pleased.

almost.

Yesterday my bf and I walked passed those drawers doing funny pictures in 15 min kind of thing.. I politely said no thanks to all of them, even though the next heard that I clearly didn't want my face to be drawn.

The last guy made the night I think.

"It's for freeeeee.. Almost."

I think I'm gonna have myself a beer

That gig yesterday was soooo good. I saw them on their first gig a few weeks ago and they've improved so much. Really good and really charming band. Nice to see so many faces from school outside school too. That doesn't happen too often...

I think my bf woke me up at 6 am and then 6.30 am for a nice cuddle. Even though I wanted to sleep I thought it was kind of nice actually.

Oh and I had two beers yesterday. Can't even remember the last time I drank... so two beers were enough.

promo

Thought I was gonna be a nice friend and supporter to my friends band The Curious Incident who are playing at 100 Club on Oxford Street tomorrow night. Come check them out for what it's worth

Had a good day at school, even though my tuning wasn't the best. I think our performance exam this term will be great. But first I have to transform into a black man. OR maybe just learn how to sing like one.

Silky smooth

I brushed my hair today. I think it was around two months since the last time.

run run run away

I hardly ever just run any more. I used to run 10 kilometers, three times a week. Now I only do intervals in about 5 minutes. I went back to the gym now after school and I ran for one half hour. I can still say I have my stamina left. Or maybe it was because I was watching a documentary about lions at the same time...

I am happy I'm this kind of person who lives in the moment quite a lot. I don't look back too much. I keep the good memories untouched and safe, and make the bad ones into something good for the future.

If people woud ask me about my life I would say it has been nothing but good. I've been through some shit too, but I've choosen not to hang on to that. People have hurt me and turned their backs more then once. Of course I care today, but it wouldn't effect my tomorrow. It's just one life and there's no use to hang on to things that has ended. I wouldn't go back and change things I've said or done, unless I knew myself that I've done wrong. And I make mistakes. Quite often. But most of them I don't feel regret for.

Sometimes I look a pictures and I think "what if". But there's really no use. Whatever "if" won't happen.

until the end of time

Yesterday was my cousins birthday. I haven't talked to her since July. That's pretty weird, since we were like best friends (and family), but I've tried and then I stopped trying.

It has also been over a year since I talked to another friend who used to be one of the best friends of mine. I tried to talk to her after my travels, but same there. Nothing.

I thought about them yesterday on the bus home. But in the end there's not much more to say that it is what it is. Come what may, I still love them dearly, no matter if I ever speak to them again or not.

Happy 21st birthday Isabel.