Recap

This week has actually been really hard, but I survived. 
I think it's going to take a little time to get used to the feeling of pressure that lies ontop of us. This week I have been given a few clients, so the shit just got real. Next week I'm doing at least 13hrs and things are not going back down from here. I want to be so good.. and a part of me is really nervous about to work around people who have been in the industry for many years. I think the biggest obstacle to overcome is the feeling of "I should be better at this already" or "I should know all this already". I really just need to remind myself that I applied to UP because I believed I was good, but have so far to go and learn from other people. 

I'm nervous because I want to be great. I want my clients to be great. I want my own transformation to be great. I wish I had a little bit more bro-mentality in me, but that's probably not going to happen... like ever.

And so yesterday I briefly sat down and talked to K about how I feel. 
The words I used were imbalanced and disconnected.

I know I have such limited time of the week now, spending probably more than 65 hrs at work, and then a good few hours a week to prepare food... to bring to work.And ultimately, work IS my life right now. So to feel so imbalanced and disconnected with the one person I want it to feel light and easy with just seem too much. And it's funny how I get so excited when I know I'm going to see him, but there is so little to push my buttons when I'm with him. I don't know why it's like this, but I really don't think he deserves it. All I really want is for us both to be happy, like truly happy. And at this point in time, whether it being intentional or not, we just don't seem to contribute much to eachothers happiness.

Politics

After the bowling and where most people took off to the night club I went to an ice cream bar with the two kiropractors at the gym. Such sweet married young couple, both great at what they do. 

We had a really good chat about everything and I felt like they just wanted to check in on me and give me a friendly word of advice about the gym. Nothing I haven't already noticed after 3 weeks of more or less just observing people, but still nice. 

I also found out that N.M. held a proper speech before christmas about there being a new woman starting and that is anyone tried to undermine me or make be feel bad (as a woman), they would be gone... not only from UP, but from the fitness industry. In a way that makes me feel kind of important, but also gives me a really good kick for wanting to do good. I don't think I fully comprehend the opportunity that has been given me by starting working for N.M. All I know is that I was given this job for a reason. 

Steve Jobs 2.0

If anything, since started UP Fitness, my skills at technology has increased. It really is ridiculous how bad I am at computer stuff, so everything is actually taking more time than necessary. I am enjoying it though. 

This week, the big man himself, Nick Mitchell has been visiting at the gym. He's really cool, and almost exactly how I would imagine him to be. I think he seems happy to finally have a woman working for him in the UK, and so I will do my very best to impress him. 

Yesterday we went out for dinner and bowling with the team bacause one of the guys are moving over to run the Singapore gym. It was a really nice time, but me being on a diet meant that I only "treated myself" with a glass of wine and half a waffle for dessert, whilst the guys were pounding down drinks like water. But I think it was a good time to get to know some of the guys a little bit better, and also a great time to be wearing my leather heals again haha. 

hench

This week I started my own transformation. So in 12-16 weeks I will be in "the best" shape ever. A very subjective thing to say... but I will definitely be as lean as I have ever been. It is going to be interesting for sure...

Week 2

Week two at Ultimate Performance is over and I have survived.
I have done my online tax return thingy... 

Tomorrow I am starting my transformation, that will take 12-16 weeks. Meaning I will get super fucking lean and vascular haha. Photoshoot ready basically. 
I'm excited and nervous at the same time, but I will be very helpful to know what I will put my client's through. 

So last night i had a massive fest with my friends Wendy and Quaam. I litterally ate as much as I can of everything that was presented in front of me. The difference in weight from the morning to before bed was 2kg plus. And this morning I was 0.8kg up from yesterday morning. 

I still haven't had any solid food today as I can feel the pulled pork comfortably lying in my belly. But it was so good and from tomorrow I will have to weigh and track everything I put into my mouth. Bye bye social events!

New Years feel like forever ago, and I have been ill since Jan 1st. Feeling much better now, but my nose keeps on being blocked and annoying. 

And so I started my new job at UP Fitness last Tuesday. 
Today I calculated that I spend roughly 60 hours in that place a week. So far I haven't had any clients given to me, but I have had loads to do that I guess it has been good with some "quiet" time. 

It's really exciting and all the guys I work with seem really nice and helpful. 
Today I also had my first proper session this year since I have been ill for freaking ever. Feels good to be back in the game.

2016 - New year, Same me

Happy New Year everyone. 

I celebrated with friends, quite mellow but a really nice time. 
Today I am sick. Like actually unwell, not hangover, although there might be some dehydration sensation going on in my body as well. 

I had such a nice time back in Sweden and I am truly grateful for the moments I shared with my family and friends. I wish I could split myself in two so that it would be possible to be there more, but I really feel that I make the most of it when I'm there. 

As for the beginning of this year... and resolutions. 

I actually don't have any. 
I always work hard for the things I want and so I am going to keep working hard for the things I want. This coming year will be a massive challenge and opportunity for growth in my career and I am so up for it. I think it's going to be fun as well as hard. But I like things hard sometimes. 

Right now I just want to feel 100% well.
I still have tons of things I need to sort out before getting started on Tuesday next week and so there is no time to JUST sit back and relax (even though I am intending to do a lot of that as well).

Anyway. I hope everyone gets what they want out of this year to come. 
 Lots of love.