check

My strings went quite alright today... the only think was that my song wasn't on the list.. so yes.. I don't know what to say, and I don't know what the teacher is gonna do about it. He said "i'll just take it for what it is" but I know he's gonna mark me down on this mistake, which I will claim is his fault from the start since he didn't want to give me the list from the start. 

Anyways, I'm glad that composition is finally officially over. 

I've been hanging with D and Robert all evening. Wasn't my plan, but that's what happened anyways. I'm so tired, but I'm gonna watch one episode of Grey's Anatomy and then pass out. Finally Friday tomorrow. Going out to some hip hop place. But I seriously need to starts worrying about my economic state... like yesterday.

time for update

This week is just all about hearing our compositions being played by hired musicians. Today my fanfare and bebop was smashed out. It sounded alright, nothing spectacular, but sooo much better than a freaking program. Though the program doesn't have pitch problems or needs time to breathe. Oh well. 

Tomorrow it's my string arrangement of 'Cry Me A River' that is gonna be filling our ears. I'm actually slightly excited about this one, since it sounds weird and epic at the same time. I honestly don't think my teacher will get it, but I don't care. I just hope the musicians will be able to play it. 

Next Thursday I'm going to Brighton to see my friend Jack. I'm really excited both to see him, and to leave London. If just for a day. 


These last two days when I've gone through my compositions I've realised how nice it is to sit in the kitchen to do some work. A whole year in my room, when this peaceful place was just below me... oh well, at least I got two days..

Well... as usual, time to sleep so that I can wake up and go to work tomorrow. Life is good.

fiesta

Yesterday I went to a salsa workshop at the gym. I had such an awesome time to be honest. Haha, it started with two rows in front of each other, the leaders and the followers. Then after a very short time one row would move to the right to dance with another leader. It was like speed dating, but so awesome. At the end of the class we just dances to some music and it was just such a blast. To be honest, we didn't really feel like strangers... 

I'm suppose to go out and dance tonight, but that's not gonna happen. I'm waaay to tired. So now it's almost 9.30 am and I'm gonna go to bed to read and then just sleep. Thank god for bank holiday tomorrow so that I don't have to work, I need one night of proper sleep then I'm gonna be all sorted again.

fighting against time

I have been clued to my chair since 9.30 this morning when I came home from work. And I just sent away my compositions, 7 min before deadline. And the finance is ALMOST done, I need help from our team leader though, because there are things that I just don't understand. 

I haven't had a proper meal in almost 3 days, and I can really feel it now. So I'm gonna make myself some pasta, chill for one hour and then go to the gym and train like my life depended on it. Then I'm gonna buuy a bottle of wine so that I can get proper drunk tonight. I deserve it!

final pushes

Yesterday was just too long. And in the end I didn't get my numbers right. It sucks soo much since this will be a quarter of my degree, and because I am not an accountant I will, maybe not fail, but not get great grades either. 

I was so tired when I decided that I couldn't stay up and start over, but then once I hit the pillow I couldn't sleep. And when I finally fell asleep it was only for my, no quite common, four hour sleep a night.

Yesterday I ate porridge at 6 am, and then at 6 pm, and then only sweets inbetween, and nota single glass of water throughout the day. So destructive...

BUT today is deadline day. I still have three assignments to complete and this stupid business finance plan to sort out. I don't wanna say I give up, because I'm not, but I'm  starting to feel that it doesn't matter anymore. The thing is that thing's will be sent in on time, but they could probably sound a lot better with another day or two. But that's usually how the story goes. 

Off to work, then study, then after deadline I will train for the three days I haven't had time to hit the gym. 

LOOOONG

My and my business team spent about 6 hours re-phrasing the whole business plan yesterday. We got help from Frenchie's dad, who was soo nice and patient. Seriously, if our teachers are not liking this business plan I will wright to Middlesex myself and make them check up on LCCM. 

All that work resulted in a very late night and very little sleep, since I had to wake up at 5.30 am as usual. Thank God this is almost over, I don't know how much longer I can last. 

Today I have been working on my compositions and my finance plan for 5 hours straight now. I have not eaten anything proper since 10 am this morning, and I really don't wanna go and make myself anything, even though I can feel that I'm hungry. I'm just scared that I will lose my flow. 

Also, I really really wanted to go to the gym today, but I have already accepted that I had to sacrifice that "me-time" today. Too much shit has to be done by 3 pm tomorrow. But after that. I'm more or less a free person again. This will be celebrated hard.

good girl gone bad gone good again

Today has been interesting. I'm not gonna go into details, but this morning I was a little bit of a bad girl. Then I trained like a monster. 

And after pumping hard and intense I got the comment: "You look chunky, in a good and healthy way". Well thank you, I guess!

Coming home after the gym I has on my strings. And it's really getting there, but after having lunch just now I feel tired. I have a meeting with my business group in 2,5 hours, so I should try to continue my arrangement, but I might just do it tonight and take a nap now.

tiredness

It is 8.40 pm and I'm seriously cosidering going to bed for the night. I'm so tired. I feel terrible since all the deadlines are on Friday, but I cannot work when I'm this tired. So I sit up, but I don't do any work, or I go to bed maybe a little too early? Anyways, it looks like I will not get any work done tonight. Shit!

yeah man

For some reason my blog has been mostly read by people in Jamaica today. Hello my friends!

nom nom

The actual tune for the string arrangement is almost done. The 32 bars intro I don't know how to start right now. I have mad crazy cravings for sweets, but I feel like I'm on a mission and I will not go to Tesco JUST to get myself some treats. Hell no.

better day

Today I feel a lot better than yesteday. I started my day reading in my Poliquin books. I can't wait to do a PT course and start training people on the side of doing music. It's gonna be so good.

I have another 8 bars of my strings before I have to write a 32 bar intro to the whole shit. But after that, it's pretty much it. I need to go through my bebop again, and look at my jazz and clavé arrangements before the 5th of June, and of course, make the finance spread sheet for our business idea. But that sums it up.

Now I'm having a coffee and I'm on the strings, all day. Maybe I throw some singing in there at some point, but NO gym. I miss it already. 

Picture from the gig

Emotional

Today I have been feeling so low. I guess it's a proper mix of being sleep deprived, stressed, missing people at home, relieved that there's no more classes, sad that there's no more classes, rejected, hungry etc etc etc. 

I never miss home, Sweden-home, but today I missed it to bits. And I just couldn't cope hearing my dad's voice on the phone, so I had to have a good cry afterwards, then a long hot shower. Eventually I felt a bit better, after singing a bit too. 

Three and a half more weeks, that's all. So it's just to keep on fighting the good fight, then let life take it's next scary turn.

ON FIRE

The gig tonight was just over the top great. My band was the first band on after the instrumental arrangement band. We were on FIRE, seriously. People were loving it, teachers were loving it, but most importantly, WE were loving it. I have never been sweating during a gig before, and my calves are so tight from all the jumping that took place. Ah I can't say anything but that it felt soo fucking good to end these three years on such a high. It's a shame that the only gig my mum missed this year was the Jazz (fair enough) and this. Even I wanna say it was fucking amazing, though hearing and WATCHING it back will be ridiculous!

Now there's gonna be this slightly weird feeling of emptiness, though the recital gig is around the corner and that needs to lot of work. Not to mention all the deadlines next Friday. So I better try and get some sleep now, because there ain't no resting yet.

OH SHIT

I just got a first draft of song number two for the EP I'm writing with my homeboy Andres. It's gonna be so sick! I was having a few mixed feelings about finishing the degree today. I mean, I can't wait to not having to do silly assignments and get annoyed by so called teachers. But the people in my year is a bunch of cool kids. I will miss the vibes. But now when I have this EP in sight I can taste blood in my mouth and I'm just so excited to get on it for real.

This is my last goodbye

Yesterday I had my last class. I didn't think about it then, but it's actually kind of weird. It was such a good class to end on, and the teacher was really happy and excited. This is HUGE, since he is not that kind of man. 

We had a rehearsal after that class to and it was just so hyped. I felt drunk, though not a single drop of alcohol has been running in my vain for a month now. Anyways, it's gonna be good tomorrow. I'm so excited, and I've taken Thursday off work so that I can really enjoy the night and not feel like shit the next morning. Though I gotta be on top since then the seriousness for the recital starts big time. Gonna be so good! Come what may.

movie night

It was nice to go to the movies. Though I fell asleep in the beginning of the film. I was just too sleepy. But once I managed to pull myself together it was fine, and the film was alright. 

I've made lunch for my long long day tomorrow, gone over what I've created today and now it's time for me to get ready for bed. I really haven't slept enough this week and I slept very poorly this weekend too. I can't wait to have a morning in bed on Thursday. 

Good night.

movies

Composition is going slow, as always,  but I'm on a track. Though now I have to get ready to meet up with Steve for a movie date. I haven't been to the movies in a long time, so even though I feel that I should just continue sitting on my ass writing this arrangement, I will soooo enjoy a film.

independence

When we were rehearsing yesterday this crazy cool thing happened. Multitask on high to be honest, and when I realised what I was doing I looked at the guys in my band and I could tell they were a bit impressed. 

So, I managed to stand and wright lyrics to a song, while singing another song. Usually when I try to do that I would eigher start wrighting the lyrics from the song I'm singing, or start singing the words I'm wrighting, or just mess it all up. 

I thought it was so cool, and imagine if it could always be like that, how much more we could get done every day...

productivity

I think I've done a pretty good job for tonight, so I'm gonna go for a cup of tea before going to bed. 

I'm gonna go early to the gym tomorrow, come back and sit and do as much work as possible. Then I think I'm going to the cinema with Steve. I haven't been to the movies since I saw Django on my own, and before that I can't even remember. There was a time when I went to the cinema a lot, but poor times cannot offer such nice things. And the priority of time is not there eigher. 

Okay, good night.

just as fast

So today just went away. I started studying at like 8.30 PM (?!) 

Pilates was good, band rehearsal was good, and cardio afterwards was good. I was knackered when I got home and I got to have a half hour nap. Then I trained D and went to get pizza for dinner. I managed to Skype a little with my mum too. 

Now I've started over my string quartet arrangement. I just had to. But it's all good. I'm gonna sit here until I get too tired, and then tomorrow I'm just gonna smash so much out. I'm aiming to have the whole song done by Monday, and then just wright the intro asap when I get the time. So yes. Until next time.

Happy birthday, love

Today it is the birthday one of my best friends in the world. 

It's funny how times changes everything, how people come and go. Some you plant in your life, and some just sneeks in randomly, and the same with the people going away. When one era in a relationship changes, it's even harder to keep it together than before. But if a person is truly worth it you do it anyways. At least you can try. We might not physically be as close as one year ago, for natural reasons, but I still consider him as one of the most important people in my life.

Not a minute late

Finally weekend. 

I had a five hour long rehearsal and one hour one to one straight after each other. Both we're very productive and good. Im' so excited to do my recital, I think it's gonna be good and my teacher is very excited, which makes me more excited. 

So I got home before the sun went down today. First time this week, feels weird. Now I'm gonna have dinner with the girls and D's mum. So nice! 

I think I'm gonna give myself an evening off and chill tonight. Tomorrow after a 4,5 hour rehearsal I'm gonna come home and crack hell open with my compositions. I pray that I will have inspiration to do this, I just want it to be over so bad.

too intense

Today was also a very, very long day.
Work and study at the Brittish Library for hours! 

So tired and with very little food on my stomache I went to the gym, where I did 65 kg squats today, which made me slightly happier. I was in a such an intense and almost angry mood when I came there, and then I got really annoyed when my friend never showed up and I had to call her 45 min after scheduled meeting only to find out that she was still at home. And presence of certain people was just slightly too much. So I finished up and went to this workshop at LCCM. 

We had the pleasure of having the amazing Michel Camilo coming and talking to us about music, piano technique and styles, life experienses and all that. What an amazing man, what a life. And he took musicianship to the next level. It was truly inspiring, and leaving school after that the bad mood was gone. I'm still on a little hype about those two hours. 

I still haven't had time to open up Sibelius, where I have to wright my composotion assignments, so this weekend will be fun, trying to learn ALL the lyrics for all seven songs AND do some serious composition work. FML! This is soon over, that's what keeps me going right now. I have litterally no other life at the moment. Work, study, practice... then if I have time I get to eat and sleep. I can take another month of this, then that's that!

take my mind and carry it far away

It has been a long day. As always I guess. 

I still need to sit down and look at three songs for tomorrow. I have no idea when I'm gonna have time to do my assignments to be honest. Time is not on my side. 

monday feels like sunday

I woke up in such a good mood. I didn't sleep too well during the morning hours, but I feel pretty good anyways I must say.

Ate breakfast and watched one episode of Grey's Anatomy with D, always a good was to start the day. I only ate like 1,5 hours ago, but I'm sooo hungry again. 

Eh, I'm on my strings today. Still not feeling it, but at least I have some kind of drive. And in like one hour, if the sun is out, I'm gonna sit on the balcony going through the songs for rehearsal later tonight. Long day. I just want this gig to be over, I'm really not feeling it this time. Oh well. Back to business.

remedy

So I went out dancing with Marie last night, it was fun, and man did we get the moves going. Much appreciated. Sober dancing is the best really. 

Today I struggled going to Pilates since I went to bed at 2.30 and woke up five hours later, but I'm soo happy I did. The instructor is just too brilliant to miss, and I'm definately getting stronger and better every week, that's that.. I'm gonna keep going. I do need to catch up on some sleep.

Long long rehearsal today, I'm a little bit slow with the tunes, but I guess we'll make it happen on time. We have four tunes, not completely down, but on the way. Need three more and then we're on. So I think it will be fine, just need to let go and not worry. 

As for tonight... I reckon I will catch up on some sleep. 


I didn't go food shopping today eighter, so tomorrow I will have to. Being poor suck so much. And now I'm slightly hungry... Porridge maybe? 

friday friday

Today has been long! 

Work was fine.

Went on a road trip with Nancy to this piano factory in Seven Sisters, got samples of piano wires and then samples of the plastic we need to create our hypothetical rulers, great. 

Then I lost my Oystercar, drivers licence, student car and both of my bank cards. Lucky me someone handed it in at the station and there was a number to college, so that eventually I could just take the train back and collect. Thank fucking God for that. 

Been training and hanging with Jo, she's just too much fun. 

Been trying to organise things for this next month, but things are just tooooo crazy, I can't wait for it to be over! 

Eh, don't really feel like it and I haven't really had a time off today since 5.30 am, but I'm going out dancing with D. We planned this for a couple of weeks and I don't wanna let her down. But it's a non drinking, not-too-late night out. I have band rehearsal tomorrow and shit loads of arranging to do..

update

I'm freaking out a little bit less about the next gig. We changed the songs to something that I can actually pull off. Well, time is still very much fighting against us, but I managed to book a good 20 hours rehearsal time next week, so things should happen! I just gotta have the tunes on repeat on my iPod. 

Assignment-wise I think I'm on a good roll, though I didn't have time to look at anything today, and tomorrow will be the same. So I will have to sit this weekend and a lot next week, whenever I don't have rehearsal. 

But as for now I have to go to bed and get a good night's sleep before work tomorrow. After work I'm doing a road trip to some piano factory and then I have my one to one, gyming and then I'm going out dancing with D! Fun times! Good night!