Vidundret

So yeah, about that meen old man on my work. I said to my boss that I will NOT go there again. It's like, I know I could do it and just ignore his ignorance, but why would I? I mean, I want to scream "shut up already" right in his face. But I'm afraid I will cause the death of an 88 year old. So just told my boss to give me another schedule or I will not go to work.

while working...

I am working, but I am at home. Cool huh?
No I jsut had some time over before my last visit to the nastiest old man I know. He's meen and... meen. I think I might say to my boss that I rather stay home and not get payed then to go back there. And I can take a lot you know...

Well, I'm meeting up with the boy from yesterday sometime after work, then I'm gonna go to my gym. Not just go out for a run or a power walk. My actual gym!

And tonight me and seven more people are going to the Eclipse premiere. Really, I'm not that interested. But I figured that I will see it one day, and this will be social too. But I think I'm gonna want to kick some 14 year old ass tonight if they all are going to scream and cry as soon as they see Edward Cullen.

TEAM EDWARD!

one month @ home

Today was a good day starting early in the convertible car out to Dalarö and then a walk in the sun.
When I got back home I took care of most of the mess I've created in my room since I came back from my trip, which is one month today.

After like two hours doing that, my very good friend called me over for a romantic lunch on the balcony. Then we fell asleep butt to butt, as we always do.

Later a guy called me. So I went to Söder to meet up with him. I had a really good time in the park and on our walk into the city. Then, for a reason, we both went home to our own places. Yep. I didn't want to, but I did and I guess that was for the best. But as we all know, people have their needs, and so do I.

I'm driving one of your cars.

I have been lazy when it comes to updating this shit.

Midsummer was the shit actually. I had fun when I thought it would suck. The day after I went to a party my brothers friend invited me to. Well, he's my friend too, but he started off being my brothers friend.

I already told you this.

Today I drove my grandmothers covertable car to get it checked. Music playing loud and wind in my hair. Lunch in the car and a powernap while waiting. Perfect day day with my friend!

And I've been on two power walks today. My butt is hurting, and I like that!

What happens on midsummer...

party weekend

I am going to work even though I am shaking and my mind is slow. Two and a half hours of sleep and I am suppose to do this. Can I pull it off? I have to.

Part two days in a row, yep, that's the answer.
Midsummer was great! And yesterday was great too, if you like being refered to as "the little sister". I have no problems what so ever, but when the guys, that saw me running around naked when I was a kid, starts to hit on you... it was time to leave.

GAAAAH!

about time

I'm back in my bed in my room. Feels awesome!
Great weekend ahead, so I need some rest.

it is time to let go

I'm actually doing it, again. I'm cleaning up in my room. Or I'm really trying to. I thought that during my trip I've learned not to be attached to material things. So why do I have a hard time packing my bag and get rid of clothes I first of all don't need, and second don't even wear?

My mum said, you don't have to get rid of them, I can store them for you. The thing is, there will always come more. I don't shop all the time, and I'm not intending to shop either, but at some point I will buy stuff. And with time... yeah, you know the rest.

So I am getting rid of clothes I don't wear, and I'm doind it tonight! I might even dare to promise that I can sleep in my own bed tonight too. That sure would be awesome!

because

Great summer day here in Stockholm. Of course I've been working and all, but I've had a lot of time in the sun anyway! So now I'm tired. I even bailed from work earlier...

I think the reason might be that I had a lot of exercise yesterday, and I still don't sleep in my own bed. This just made me think, and I will clean up that mess tonight.

Soon I'm gonna meet up with a dear friend of mine.
Later I am gonna try and go for a run, but we'll see, otherwise I'll do that tomorrow morning for sure.

Tomorrow I'm also going to Gröna Lund, the theme park. It's more like an obligation, but I'm sure it will be fun. Later tomorrow I'm going to practice Caopeira again. That will be fun, but I'm already nervous. I still suck! Then I'm gonna drive out to Dalarö with my friend. The day after tomorrow is Midsummer. Yeeii!

emotional crap and yesterday

Yesterday's get together with my class mates was postponed to an unknown date. People really don't get how easy, in one way, it is going to school. Like you always have the same schedule, so you can meet up after school and on weekends. It's a lot harder today. We're grown-ups with reponsibilities. And it's fine, but sometimes it would be nice for a chance to go back to when everything was easier.

I'm having a moment, so the rest of the text is completly from how I feel and how I think in this very moment. It may change and be the opposite tomorrow.

I think I am that kind of person who can't have easy though.
Never have been, never will be.
Maybe that's a good thing.

I am that kind of person who will always have big goals and high expectations on myself. I will work hard and stop for nothing. I will leave everything I know to chase it down. I think unfortunatley that will make me feel alone many times.

So I meet guys I can't be with. I have no idea why. Probably because I'm trying to protect myself from myself, so I can keep a barrier from getting too emotionally involved. I know I fail, all the time, but I tell myself different.

Still I say I'm happy. And I am, really. But sometimes it would be nice not to look up all the time. To just stay where I am and to be content. I'm not unhappy where I am today, I would say I am proud of who I am and what I've done so far in my 21 years on this planet, but I can never rest. That's how I feel. I'm restless.

I will never rest. Or so it seems today. But just for a few seconds every now and then I really wish I could say that I wanted less then I really want, that I wanted "easier". But I can't.

So I am leaving. I love you and I love myself, and how weird it may sound, that's why I leave you. Not because I want to, I need to, so that one day I can come back home and hopefully settle. That I can be with my family, my friends who will stick around even though I'm not around and also one day with a man.

So, I'm back to normal me again.

After I decided to cancel the whole class thing. I went to a man. I like him a lot, but yeah, things are complicated and if you did read my emotional crap, you could see that I'm not letting myself like anyone, by meaning any men, too much.

After that I walked for an hour before I met up with some friends. And then I ended up with one of my friends in her apartment and didn't go home until 1.30 am. She and I will always be friends. I've lost friends I never thought I would lose, but her and I... we've been through so much shit along all these years, so I know there's nothing that will break us. She's one of those very few people I count on my hands of whom I love. That's why I know this midsummer is gonna rock even though it's gonna be all different and suck!

give and get

Yesterday I worked for 16 hours. You would think it's horrible, but actually it's not that bad. Sure, you have moments when you look at the watch and see that it's twelve, ten and seven hours left until you can go home. You're tired. But the fact that I help people who needs me, and that I can make their life easier and sometimes even pleasant, it's worth it. In the end it's not all about the money. It's just the way I am. I care. Sometimes too much, but I rather do that then not care at all.

So I thought I would sleep for at leat 12 hours today, which I did not. More like six, and then adding three hours of dozing on and off to Grey's Anatomy.

Now I'm going for a swim and later a run.

Tonight I have planned some kind of get together with my class mates and our friends. I really hope as many as possible can show up. Life is short, and we haven't seen eachother, all together, for two years. We were a great group in school. No wonder I cried like a baby on our graduation day.

Love is in the air

Today was a stressful day at work. Yesterday night was also a bit stressful, but I worked with a guy that I like hanging out with, and sometimes the oldies are just too much fun. I guess if you don't have a sense of humor in this work, you're mentally screwed.

Today our Crow Princess got har Prince Charming. I said I don't care, but I had to turn on the TV as soon as I came home. Even though I throw up in my mouth everyday of being sick of all the media focus, I still think today is a very special day. And it really was beautiful and I wanted to cry. Then I thought, maybe I also want to get married one day.

But then my friend came over. He's really my big brother's friend, but he doesn't take care of his friends that much, so I have to do it, because I like them and I have known them since I was five years old.

My friend stayed for a while and I'll see him next week at a party he invited me to. Or I kind of threw it out there that I could also go.

So now I'm still waiting for dinner, and then, hopefully I'll kick my wobbely ass out for a run.

Time turned fragile

The run never happened. I had an emotional moment and I had to do something about it. I hope it gave me a shot.

I sent my friend a message. She used to be my best friend, she used to make me laugh until I cried and torture me whenever I fell asleep while we were suppose to study Geography. She gave me comfort when I was heartbroken, and I would comfort her. We would bale on classes together. We encouraged eachother to go out for a run. She did my hair and I did her nails. We would wrestle and fight, and end up laughing.
We were best friends.

I haven't spoken to her in over five months, and I do miss her.

As I said, I'm moving in three weeks. And I'm not begging her to forgive me for hurting her, I'm just asking for a chance for us to make amends. But it's not easy when the person wont pick up the phone. I know there're other ways to make her talk to me, but if she doesn't want to, how could I make her?

It's sad, but it's life. But I still have three more weeks, so I won't give up until then.

It's me, Emily

You know... sometimes you know things but you just don't really realize them. I just realized that it's actually only three weeks left until I leave Sweden again. I'm actually gonna move away, again, and I just think I peed my pants.

And I don't know if I leaked for a good or a bad feeling. It's both. I'm scared and I am excited. I am ready, I just don't know, sometimes I doubt myself and what I am capable of. I know I will make it, but it's scary. I will leave people I love, people I like and people I really care about, again. I like my life here, but I know greater things will happen and I am aware of the sacrifices I have to make to get there.

But hey, it me I'm talking about. I never drive safe, and I guess I just have to live with that.

yep

I had my alarm clock on for 8 am. Twenty minutes later I manage to get my ass out of bed and into the couch. Now I've been watching Grey's Anatomy for 2,5 hours and I am SO forsing myself out for a run. I don't really want to, and what the hell happened to the weather, but I know I will feel great about myself once I'm out there.

Then I'm going to Söder to meet up with an old class mate, that will be great! And about my event on Monday, so far twelve people are coming. I'm stoked!

LINDIAN

I have to start going to bed earlier, I think. Or at least if I don't have anything I really have to stay up for.

So now I've created an event on Facebook. I met an old class mate and I just got this feeling that I want to see all of them. It' has been two years since I was most of them. So I'm gonna try to throw a BBQ / get together for my old school class. On Monday night already (today is Thursday), so I hope people can make it, and that Mother Earth will have mercy on us and give us a descent weather, or maybe perhaps, good weather.

But now I'm done and all I can do is to sleep and hopefully wake up to the fact that people are attending to my event.

unconditional friendship

I should sleep. But I'm day dreaming about the future, and I like what I see.

But that's not what I wanted to say.

When I was 13 years old I used to hang out with all the "cool and ganzta" people where I live. I already knew back then that I was different from them. Everyone were black exept from me and my friend. They called me Dollface too.

One night when we did what we always did, nothing at all, I went to the guy that gives you the stamps when you're going with the metro. I wasn't gonna go anywhere, and I always skip paying unless I have to. But I just started to sing to him, entertained him. I mean, he was sitting there and was probably bored as fuck. And I who always wanted to sing, hade someone who couldn't escape me and my voice. I promise you that back then I really sucked. But something happened later on, but that's another story.

What I wanted to say is that he's back, and every night on my way home I pass by him and stay for a while, talking and joking. I enjoy it, but most of all I think he enjoys having some company. After all, I've known him for like seven years now. He still remember that I was going up north skiing with my family. How many of my real friends would do that?

This is when I say; I told U so

So I'm in the middle of trying to do something to my room. It's not easy I can tell you, and I can't hardly walk on the floor anymore..

They say a picture tell you more then 1000 words.
Here you have three of them.

It has taken me hours to get this far. I think there will be another night on the couch for me...

mo mo mo mo

Okay, I just did some yoga, and now I'm going out for a run.
After my shower I wanna do something? So it there anyone that wants to play with me this beautiful day?

Blue sky

First of all. I need to clean up the mess I just left in my room two weeks ago, because I think I need a proper bed to sleep in.

But as for today. It's 8 am and I've already had breakfast. I'm gonna go out for my run and do some excercise along the way. Nothing new.

I know what I wanna do before I go to work today, but it takes two.

Oh and the best part..
It's a clear sky and sunny.
Probably cold as hell....

free day = busy day

Work went fine, as always.. And I actually had too much spare time while working, so I almost finished my book, The Alchemist. It's one of the best books I have ever read, and this is my second time reading it. I never read books twice.

Exept from tomorrow will I be working everyday until Sunday, and some days even dubble shifts.

But for tomorrow.. I am booked!

If I go to bed soon I'll manage to go up earlier and start with a quick run, as almost everyday.

Then I'll go as a suporting friend while my friend is getting her vagina waxed for the first time. I'm gonna see if I can get mine done too, it about time for that. And after that I guess we're gonna have lunch of whatever.

At 1 pm I'm meeting up with my co-worker to hang out for a bit before he starts working. I'm also gonna book more work for me for the upcoming weeks.

At 4 pm I'm gonna meet up with another friend of mine. We're gonna walk around the city and do whatever before we'll go home to her new home to cook together.


I think that's the best way to spend your free days. Being productive, active and with friends.

sunday noon

I'm home again. Spoiled little me got driven all the way home, so now I have time to go out for a run before I head towards work.

Next week will be a work week, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do right? And I need to work.

Have a good one !

at ease

Sometimes you need a break from everything, right?

For me, I feel like I'm taking a break whenever I visit my dad and my second mum out by the oceanside here in Sweden. It's so relaxing and things to do is very limited. Usually I read, and we end up in hysterical discussions at the dinnertable and then deep-talking in the sauna before calling it for the day quite early.

I love going here, even though it drives me crazy too. I need to learn how to relax sometimes, and to realize that you can have one day when you don't need to do anything what so ever and it's okay!

So yeah, I guess this is when I'm calling it for tonight.
Good Night!

BLAST!

I came home like a wreck yesterday.

With like 7 hours of sleep the past two nights I had a blast down in the south with my cousins. Thursday, the big day, was cold and wet. But once we started the party it was just amazingly crazy. Over 150 showed up to the reception.

We ate tasty food and people were singing songs they had wrote to my cousin, just great. And there was a coir coming in and started to sing in the middle of all of it, and nobody knew they were coming.

Then it was time to leave the party, to go to the "final party" in Lund.
And just so sum things up a bit:
The first thing that happened to me was that a girl was flirting with me.
I haven't been drinking that much in a long time.
We danced hard for a long time and now my neck is still soar.
One friend and me ended up singing Disney songs.


Well, I am so glad I went down there and I think I wasn't moving to England, I would really consider moving to Skåne. I love it.

And thanks for everything Family!

Graduation day

So I'm in Skåne with my cousins.

I really really like it here and today is gonna be a great fun even though I fell asleep at 3 am and woke up 4,5 hours later. But then agai, you don't really need that much sleep. And for me, all I need is things going on around me to be able to stay awake and apparently we might end up being 100 people tonight. And I'm going to the after party as well. So I'll manage.

I'll keep you updated, tomorrow maybe.

LOVE!

And what's up with you?

I don't know what's going on with me, I'm a mess. Or no I'm not, but I make a mess. I just can't seem to settle here at home, by meaning, I can't put my clothes in the drawers and in the closet. Frankly speaking, I haven't slept in my own bed for over a week now, and I haven't been home for more then 12 days.

It's too much going on, that's why. Or that's my excuse. But it's not an excuse, I promise I'll take care of it when I get back från Skåne. I'm seriously gonna start packing my moving-to-London-bag. And then I want a garage sale. I have to much clothes and too many things I really don't need.

a peaceful place

Hi!

Today I'll be on a train for about five hours. I'm goig down to my cousins to celebrate a graduation, and that will be so much fun. And dispite the fact that I've already been on buses and trains for over 220 hours this year, I still like it. It's a place you can think, and a place you don't have to think.

I'll be back on Friday night though, and by then it's less then a month before I move to London. Wow, I get shivers just thinking about it.

sometimes when you forse yourself...

It's so worth it. I feel amazing!

when you don't want to...

I am so forsing myself out for a run, now.

I heart Sweden

I had a pretty chill day at work today. So I had the time to window shop, lay on the grass reading my book and walk around. One thing I have to say is this; damn Sweden is beautiful. Seriously, it's hard to beat Stockholm at this time a year.

One day before I leave and I'm not working I'm gonna have one whole day of just walking around and taking photos. I'm serious, I love Sweden

Sweden day

I did go out for a run, and I went to that outdoor gym again. Just because it's somewhere on the way makes it just so easy to take a short break and work out too, before you run home again. And it gives you so much energy too. I love it.


Now I'm at my old work doing tacos all day. I actually like it, it's nice for a change and it's not super super busy today too. (Knock on wood)

I am gonna go straight home after work, and I'm gonna stay at home all night. I'm gonna paint my mums nails and perhaps my own too. And I'm gonna take a bath and wash my hair and peel my feet. And I'm gonna have a mud mask and I'm gonna make my mum wax my armpits. Yep, it's a self-treating night ahead.

And Happy Sweden Day, Swedes!

heya

I'm a terrible sleeper. And I have so bad habbits sometimes.

Well, for now I am forsing myself out for a run, and I won't take no for an answer.

Saturay night

I ended up going out with my co-worker. We had one beer, or I had one, then we both went home to be good employees because of work tomorrow. I don't start work until 12 pm as I said, but I am definatley going out for some running before that. And I'm starting to feel like a wreck already, after one week. Tranquilo Emily!

slumber

Wooa! I just woke up after litteraly passing out on my mums bed. I have no idea how many hours I've slept, but I sure needed it. But how am I suppose to fall asleep later tonight?

But I guess the question now is;
What do I do tonight?

A co-worker of mine just invited me to a party but it's kind of far away and I'm still gonna work tomorrow but it's at 12 pm. So now I need to prioritate, again.

don't trust me

Yesterday I promised myself to go to sleep early. I broke that promise with coming home at 3 am. Hanging out woth friends is something I guess I put before sleep, I mean, I'll soon again.

Then I had to wake up at 6 am to go to work.

Work was fine and I had a longer break today, so I passed out half naked on the grass. I even woke up because I was snoring. Then it's bad.

I was suppose to go to this comedian festival with my friend, but she is hours away buying a car. I guess that's a good reason.

I'm tired but I am so going out running today... later.

Happy birthday Mum!

I had the idea of me waking up quite early today. I didn't. Or yes I did, at like 8.30, but I wanted to go up even earlier then that.

I was thinking about going to the gym, but I wanna spend my day in the sun before I have to go to work, so I'm just gonna go for a run and then maybe do some yoga. I also heard that we have an outdoor gym somewhere, so if I find it, there I can hit two birds with one stone.

Later.

Happy B-day Mum!

porfavor

Today I had the chance to talk to a very specia guy I met in LA for only one night, or one night and one mexico night... I miss him, he's a great guy. But life is life and you don't always get what you want.

Good things from today

I love the fact that I manage to work for about 14 hours without dying.

I loved the lunch box my mum gave me.

I love the fact that I had the time to go to one of my favourite places and pass out for ten minutes in the evening sun during my break.

I love the fact that one of my oldies gave me an air kiss when I left.

I love the fact that I have hilarious co-workers and that I saw a friend I haven't seen in a while.

I love the fact that I know where to live once I get to London. One more thing to strike from my list, one more thing not to worry about. Me like a lot!

I love the fact that our kitchen smells like Lilly in the Valley!

come on

Oh, but what I really wanted to say is that I have a hard time remembering people. It's like I totally focused on the pressent that I forgot namnes and stuff from home. I thnk my co-worker that I worked with every day before I went was named Daisy. But I'm not sure. She is nice though!

trabajo

I started work again last night. I felt like a new starter when I got there, and I had in mind that all the ladies were gonna be aweful to me. But I had a really good time and I kind of am looking forward to go back there today.

A woman at work said I had gained weight, and then she touched my belly. I felt awesome, or not. But then again, it's not really true and I feel beutiful.

And I had the chance togo to one of my favourite places on a short break. Stockholm is so beautiful right now.


Oh well, more later, I don't wanna be late m second day at work.

My mum just said about my last post

"Oh but you can wear your clothes, you have a purpose with them I see"
-refering to pissing my grandmum off

First of June

Yesterday was my friends b-day. We were twelve girls celebrating her at her place with food and games. It was very successful if you ask me, even though girls are the same all around the world with their gossip and talking behind peoples backs. But I guess that's the world we're living in.

Today I woke up early to something I have to do asap, but now they booked me for next Tuesday instead. So I went to the gym. I love feeling my muscles again. And I stayed on the treadmil over 40 minutes. Kudos Emily!

Now I'm home, my baby brother is graduating today. I can't believe it. And I can't believe it's been two years since I graduated. Oh well. My mum is complaning about my clothes. What's wrong with shorts, knee socks and a tank top that says WORLD TRAVELLER? I really would like to piss my grandmum off. That's fun and I haven't seen her since Christmas. But I guess today is not about me...