school start!

I went to school today. I'm really excited to start again, even though I will miss my old group of people. But at the same time it's good to start over and get to know more musicians. Plus I think this year wil become a lot harder than last one. But i though about last year after the introduction too.

After I went back to the hospital to get my antibiotics, so in five days time I should be nothing but healthy again.

Infected

Last night was horrible. I started to shake like a possessed person and after an hours worth of a long bath I was still cold and in pain. Later my bf came home and the pitty party could begin. I think I kept him and myself up until at least 3 am this morning.

I had to call in sick from work today again. And we decided to go to the hospital to get me looked at. So after several hours and a few tests it seems like I have a severe urin tract infection. I have to eat antibiotics and painkillers for a few days, then I'm suppose to be whole again.

I really wish that tonight will be pain and fever free, because I'm so tired now.

muf

Today I managed to work, even though my tummy is still not itself. I have no idea what it can be, but I would guess that it's a hormonal shit situation. But I'm not sure. The thing is that the pain moves around inside of me.

Yesterday one of the chefs were joking about me being pregnant. And today he asked what sex it was. The worst part is that I almost went into the store to buy a pregnancy test on my way home. Maybe I should, just in case. Or maybe I should just go to the doctors or the gynecologist?

going under

The pain went away, but now it's back, but I think a but further down.. so I should be fine by tomorrow.

I have managed to eat sweets and practice yoga today. And taking a bath, but that's about it. I'm thinking about continuing my depressing book "The Road". Just from thinking about its hopelessness I feel that my self-pittyis over.

rain

It's the first time it's really raining since I got back to London. I think it's a bit cozy since I'm spending my day in bed anyways...

sick day

I'm back in the bed. Shit it was hard going through rush hour to work, and to walk in stairs... I'm not gonna go anywhere today.

It feels like the pain is in my left kidney or something. So it's not a regular simple pais for eating too much or before period pain.

Anyways, today I'm gonna rest and tomorrow I will work. I can't afford chilling here in London. But then again, I really can't remember the last time I was sick from work. I would guess never to be honest.

pittyparty

Woke up with the worst stomach ache ever. And it just won't go away. I hope some working will fix it because this is not fun at all... plus, I have to work.

Purchase of the day

Today I bought myself a harmonica. A smaller version of one at least. I really want to learn to play, so maybe as a Christmas present from anyone?

I've been sitting in the sofa doing absolutely nothing for the past hour. Seriously could have done something better, but I guess I switched to auto pilot as soon as I got into the flat.

Time for that shower.

Bright in Brighton

Brighton was awesome! Such a chill town with layed back people and lots of cool stores. And a long beach of stones and with a huge pier. I would say better than the one in Santa Monica. Even though not much beats the Californian weather.

I took lots of pictures and I'm too lazy to upload right now.
I'm gonna chill for a bit and then take a nice hot shower before bed!

MUM, look what I found!

You guys have no idea how sad I've been for thinking that this piece of fabric was left behind at the psyco lady I lived with some time ago! So this day just got even better.

EMERGENCY

The fire alarm for the house just went off. I was naked after my shower and I picked up my keys, my phone and my debit cards. Then I went down in the hall way and saw on the board that it was our flat that was on fire.

Can't you even have a hot shower in this town?

yoga

It's a beautiful day here in London. I've just done my morning yoga and I'm gonna get ready to embrace the day some more!

studio

Hey people...

I just got home from a studio visit with my friends Diaz and Francesco. I just can't wait until I get to go in there and record. It's a lot of work to get there, but steady I'll get ready.

:(

Yesterday was ruff. That's all I want to say now.

we're consuming

My bf went up to the attic to pick down some more of my stuff. I think I might have to take back that thing when I said he had more clothes than I do. Shit man, I don't know where to put everything! I'm not gonna shop for a long time.

And another thing... he heard some mice up there, so we've got pets.

So today we've (my bf) has sorted out the internet, so now I'm gonna be a bit more available.

Then we've been food shopping and sorted out some more shit in the flat. We're almost done, but there are more stuff on the attic we need to fix.

Time for an early dinner.

London calling

I am back in lovely rainy London.
The flat was a bit smaller than I imagined but now after one day I has grown on me quite a lot. I think it is gonna be great once we get things sorted. I have spent a few hour just sorting the clothes out and I am happy to inform you that my bf has more clothes than I do!

We are now going for dinner at our old restaurant. Then it is time to start saving money, we are gonna have to be tight with the economy for a bit. But I just see it as a good challenge and a force to start cooking more at home.

Oh well. Once we get the internet sorted I will be able to show you some pictures of the place.

Lots of love.

fly away

My grandmother just came, so it's almost time to leave. I just managed to pack my bags and I even managed to to have a fight with my mum. I feel like it's time to fly back anyways.

I'll let you know how the fight went when I'm back in London!

Lots of love!

Happy day!

Just came home from training with Fabian and my brother. How I love going to the gym, and I wish that before new year I can afford to go somewhere in London too.

So, I'm leaving home in about two hours now. I have to eat and take a shower. Then finish off the packing. I'm so so so excited to go to the new flat I'm gonna live in with my bf. It's such a suprice even though I kind of know what it looks like :D

I'm sure I will write one more time before I leave, so bye for now!

going

So my last day here has been quite chill. Went to the gym and then stayed home cooking for the family. I'm almost done packing my bag and I've already checked in for tomorrow's flight back home to London.

Right now I don't feel anything, but just as it's gonna be sad leaving home, it's gonna be amazing to step off the plane and go back to my life in London.

This summer has given so much yet taken more than I thought it could. It feels like such a short time spent now when I think about it, but now thought of actually not living here is a bit alien. But I know where ever I go I will be fine. I adapt.

heavy

I never was hungover today, and I had even forgot how much I drank last night.

But right now I'm just quite tired to be honest. But I need to start packing my suitcase since in exactly two days time I'm back in London. It feels really weird right now, I'm really excited too. Plus I'm done with the drama for a bit. But don't worry I'll be back to spice it up again sooner than you think.

So I went to my dad's today. Last time I see both him and my stepmum before I go. It's always sad to say goodbye to the people you love. And to be really honest, since the death of my grandad, I'm scared that this time will be the last time. I know I shouldn't think like that, but it's hard not to.

I find myself sitting just thinking about life and death and love and hard times. I think it's good to go through everything inside yourself, but you have to know where the limit lies, otherwise you could drown in to many heavy thoughts at the same time. So now I'm gonna pack my bag and think about the months that lies in front of me.

after henparty

Just got back home. It's 4.20 am. I'm a bit drunk still....

Champange, champange, drinks, drinks, tequila shot, beer, and someone elses drink.

I think I had enough for a bit. But I had a lot of fun! It's just one thing that kind of bothers me... my boyfriend of 15 months was never invited to the wedding in November, yet every one elses partner is. All I got that it was in "respect towards my cousin", which I could kind of understand since my bf is someone she used to date a few years ago. But the thing is, while they get to go there with their boyfriends and girlfriends, I am not allowed to bring mine. So everyone will have their loved one to dance with, but not me, because the unwritten law says that you should never be with someone elses ex even though maybe the law of attraction brings you together. I just wonder where the respect is in that? I never planned to get together with this guy, but what could I do when it so naturally happened?

But I've always been the black sheep on this side of the family, so whatever I ever did was never good. So I'm not suprised at all, I just think it's bullshit. Bullshit that the only one of six grandkids that always had the guts to stand up for herself, has to get lectured in the subject respect. I think it's rubbish, and this very moment I'm thinking about not going at all just to stand my ground. The thing is I don't even think they would mind at all...

HENPARTAY!

Morning!

Last night was nice. Just quite chill, but nice. I came home at 2 am, so I was glad that it wasn't a big night out, because I was quite tired when the alarm went off a few minutes ago.

I have no idea what to expect from todays henparty. But since my stepmum is gonna be there I'm sure it will get crazy. She sure knows how to party, and she doesn't stop until they turn on the lights.

Right now I'm a bit tired, but after a shower I think I'll be fine.

Pub round

I'm going out to have a beer or two.
It is Friday.
Later!

I went down to the river and prayed

I just came home from a quite sloppy workout. I've been spoild the past week and a half with my PT taking care of me and pushing me to the limit. Oh well, I'll meet up with him on Monday, and he promised me that he would drive me past my limits so that I would be in pain for a few days. Can't wait!

Before my session at the outdoor gym I went back to the hairdresser to fix the color a bit. I wasn't happy with it in the end, so she was very kind to fix the bit I didn't like. But now I think the hair is too short! Haha, but it will grow right back in time.

I'm gonna take a shower and but something, just a bit nicer than my training gear. Then I'm going out for a beer. I think I deserve it. Plus I need to warm up for tomorrows henparty.... that's gonna be mad!

There's only love

I haven't been able to upload the recording of me and my cousing singing together at my grandads funeral. But here you have a picture of the whole family. How I wish my grandad could have been there alongside my gran in the middle.

*

The day after, as I said, we went to my great grandmothers 101st birthday. I would still like to claim that she's the coolest person in the world. She is tired now, so I am so grateful that I got to see her once more. Because, as proven, you never know when the last time will be. And we can all say that she's old.

Here we are, four generations of strong women.

It's all about the LOVE

Hey my friends!

I'm just back after two days of an emotional rollercoaster. My grandads funeral was really nice and beautiful. I managed to sing Your Long Journey with my cousin, and Amazing Grace by myself. I'm really pround of myself, and I will upload the singing here on my blog later today.

It was really nice and touching to see all the people that came to show their love for my grandad and the support to my grandmum. And it was really nice to meet my far off family too!

And so today, I parted with my cousins and went with my grandmum, her brother and my own mum to celebrate my great grandmothers 101st birthday. It's just unbelievable and great that we can sit there in four generations and eat cake together. As with the funeral, I will upload some pictures for you to see later on.

Now I'mgonna get ready to go train with my friend Fabian. It taked about one hour to get there, so I better start changing clothes and head to the tube.

Still here without you

It's one month since my grandad was taken from me and my family and all of his friends in a car accident. When I think about it a lot, it feels more surreal than when I just think about it. I know he's gone and wont come back, but at the same time it just feels like he's still here. And I guess he will be, forever in our hearts.

It is hard to imagine a life without him, but all you have to do is keep breathing, and be grateful for each day you get to spend with the people still around you. So don't take anything for granted.

I think a person doesn't die until the last memory of him dies.
This photo was taken on midsummers eve, the last moment I ever saw him alive.

I miss you so, love always.

cut the chords, let go.

Just got back from the hairdresser. I don't like sliky smooth hair, but I think she did a good job. Or I'll see when the hair is unstyled...

I overslept today, or course. So I didn't wake up until 10 am, when she called and asked me where I was. So I just threw on some clothes and ran. I forgot to pee, so I had to go behind a tree on my way there. And then I was sweaty once I reached the saloon. I'm such a pretty little girl sometimes.

London minus seven

Last day of work here in Sweden was done tonight. I feel bittersweet towards it, since I do like some of my old ladies. But I gave them a big hug goodbye until Christmas.

And now it happen to be 2.30 already. Wow, time flies when you're having fun. So tomorrow is a brand new day. I'll embrace it after some sleep. Bye!

how sweet the sound

The first day of my final week here has come, yet again.
This week will be full of joy and sadness, reunions and partings.
Every day has something to offer, and I am grateful for being here this special week. I'm up my throat with preperations for my trip back home to London, so I will never be bored. But it's a rainy day and I feel a bit close to myself. I'm waiting for my mum to leave the flat so that I can sing. I feel like singing.

BoB

"Farthest from your mind is the thought of falling back, in fact, it isn't there at all. And so you dig your hole carefully and deep, and wait."

'Currahee' Scrapbook of the 506 PIR

people have the power

Hey people.

Yesterday was great... I ended up drunk after all and didn't get many hours of sleep before I had to go to work. But, I wasn't tired at all today. And I missed that it was my co workers birthday, so I'm really glad I made it... it was a very nice cake he'd made...

Eh, yeah... I wen't to the gym, a bit half lazy but still I went. Then my friend Emilie came over and we've been chilling unti now. It's only 22.10 and I'm considering going to bed and watch some Band of Brothers. I just feel pleased with today.

Tomorrow is my last shift at work and then I just know how crazy hectic, sad, fun and fast this week will pass. In about 8 days I'm back in London, and right now it feels bitter sweet, but I can't wait to continue my long journey.

out and about

Couldn't do yoga, did some triceps and chest exercises instead.. Now I'm ready for some partying. LAAATER!

10 days left of Sweden

Today was so quiet at work. I thought I was gonna die from boredom, instead I took a nap.

So now I'm gonna to some yoga. Or at least try to do some... the back of my legs and my lower back is so stiff I looked like I've been raped from behind when I'm walking or trying to sit down. So to be continued.

After this I'm gonna head over to my friend's house to join in on his pre-party. We'll see if I join the actual going out part, since I'm working 7.30 am tomorrow.

Free, like the vision.

I've had a great day starting with just me. As I said earlierI was singing and practicing vocal technique for about 2 hours. I can tell I've lost a lot during the summer, but I do feel like I've gained something else. I can't really tell what it is, but I think I'm gonna be a better singer when I start over in London in about 10 days time. I really can't wait.

Then I spent the whole afternoon with my friend, just chatting and having lunch and taking a long nice walk in the very nice autum weather. I am happy.

I'm ready.

I've been practicing singing, and vocal technique for about 1,5 hours now. I think I'd forgotten what singing and music means to me. I am so ready to back to school and soak in any information given by my teachers and my musical friends. I'm ready.

Sing for the moment

So it seems that I have a problem with sleeping. I just wake up all the time. Now's it's half eight, and I've been awake for an hour and a half.

But, since my mum nor my brother is at home and I haven't made any plans before 2 pm, I'm gonna practice some vocal technique and just sing.

where we all go

After a shower and with hair smelling nothing like sweat, I'm going to bed to watch Final Destination 1. I'm stoked! Good night.

that's hard

Oouuff! Working out with Fabian was hard, yet I came through and didn't complain once. It was so hard and intense but lasted for only about 20 min plus rest. I loved every minute of it. Tomorrow and the day after will be hard getting up from the bed.

nice start

Woke up feeling a bit soar and tired. Had a hard night with all of my spooky dreams.

During last night, I was pregnant with a tiny baby, almost died in three different car accidents alongside my friend who couldn't drive but refused letting me drive her car, celebrated new years eve by making orange juice for work in London and then everybody was invaded my flies.

Then I woke up when my mum was prety loud on the phone. Good start.

I think I'm just gonna start watching the Band of Brothers series, again.
Later I'm gonna cook and spend the whole afternoon training with Fabian.

You give me, something

Guess who got really happy when the rain stopped and she could go to the gym today. ME! And tomorrow I'm gonna train with my friend who is a streaght coach for some junior football players. I'm really looking forward to that.

And other than that I'm free during the day since a meeting with a friend got booked off. But that's okay. I think I'm gonna start packing my bag and cook really nice food.

Happy day!

just blaj

Hey hey. Work was soooo easy today since my lady died the other day. Evenings will be quiet for a while, that's for sure.

My mum picked me up after work, so I got home probably 40 minutes earlier than I would have otherwise, but not the time is late anyways, so it wouldn't make much difference after all. But I'm grateful.

Working tomorrow morning, so I'll be up at 6 am.
Good night!

poop

Woke up now, 11 am.
I guess I needed it, but now I can't train. I hate when I plan to train and then I don't. So I guess I have to suffer later, eigher tonight around midnight, or tomorrow morning at 5 am before work. Hm.

SMILE!

I went to the dentist today. I love going there, and I always have the same dentist who is really good and really nice. So every visit is a bliss, and just look!
I love my teeth.

The way of life

Now I just got the news that another sweet old lady passed away today.
I really like her and she really liked me. And this death is a bit more unexpexted. So it's sad too.

Friends, fucking friends!

Training was good today. I found my wrist weights, which made things a lot harder. NICE!

Now I'm gonna shower and head over to Emilie, my friend I've had more fights with than with anyone else, who can take the truth plus some bitchiness and still managed to stay by my side.

Sun

Good morning world!
I woke up from my very nice sleep when my mum started to cut up some vegetables for the iguana. But, it's already 9 am now and I'm gonna head to the gym.

Everyday it's sunny I'm greatful. It may not be very very hot at some point, but the sun is the best fireball in the Universe to give people energy, and the sun makes me happy. CHEES!

Going back

I just found my old diary from 2009. It's so funny to read through it.

2009 was the year I finished my Law course at the University and moved to Hollywood for love. Was in love but bored of everything else. Moved back to Sweden and got heartbroken. Became a workoholic that went out partying 4 days a week. Dated guys and dumped them as quickly as they came. Grew strong again and went out traveling the world.

2009 was a very hard year for me, but reading about it now is so much fun. I truly was crazy. I'm gonna start my new diary in my new special book. I can't wait to read this one in a couple of years, because this year is gonna be great!

There will be generations because of what you did

I just finished Schindler's List.

I do understand why it won the Oscars in 1993. It's just such a good and griping film. One of those films that bring you light in the darkness. It's so sad, yet it's not. It shows the people that are cruel, yet the person who is unconditionally kind.

Just wow.

Where is the love?

I started to watch Schindler's List a few hours ago. I was gonna go out training, but since I haven't finished the film and it's so amazingly sad, I feel like staying home thinking about the cruel people that lived and still lives in this world. I just can't believe it.

Angels

Yesterday I took care of an old lady at work. I've gone home to her a lot in the past and she is usually really tiring to go to, but I have managed to find a way to handle her. I sing.

Yesterday, after 15 min of singing to calm her down a bit:

- I have to go now, but I'll see you tomorrow.
- Thank you, and don't forget about me.
- How could I? There's only one like you!
- And there's only one angel in this room.

Today I walked into her home and I found her dead in her bed.
It really is sick how a life flashes by and suddenly it's over.
But this special lady was 97 years old and have had a very nice life.
She was tired and sad, so this was the best that could have happened to her.
But still, without being connected to her, I think it's sad.

SUNRISE

Just quite hard to get up in the morning.

I got home around 1 am, so it wasn't too late, and I had fun too, so it was well worth it.
We walked around to find a bar, and suddenly outside the one we decided to go in to I met Linda and her friends. I haven't heard from her in a week (soo long) because a shitty thing that happened last weekend, but because I have no drama in my body, and no desire to walk around the earth being angry with people, I could say "it's okay, but it's not okay."

Anyways, I could have stayed out yesterday, but since I'm off to work in a few I figured I was gonna play it safe and bring out the wild card tomorrow when I'm compleately wrecked. Hey hey hey!

The CLAW!

I'm heading out soon, even though I really don't want to. I just see my bed and I know I won't get to spend enough time with it this weekend. It makes me a bit sad... or maybe not now, but I'll let you know at 6 am tomorrow morning.

laxin'

So I've been doing not much since I got home. Chillin' grillin' you know. BUT! It is time to go to the gym... or maybe not I can see it's raining quite alot. Fuck! Oh well, I'll do my training here then. Peace out!

good, haaah, morning

It was hard to wake up today. Really hard. I wonder how hard it will be tomorrow, since I'm going for a beer with a friend later tonight. And how hard it will be on Sunday, because I'm going to a langoustine-party tomorrow.

Oh well, as long as I get up I'll manage.

Emily, the handyman

Because the Night

Actually, I can't be asked to train tonight. But since I slept so much these two days I have no idea how this will end. I'm gonna start with brushing my teeth and get undressed. I guess I could aim for finishing my book I'm reading at the moment.

Listening to Patti Smith tonight.

hey hoes

I'm back and I've been sleeping most of the time these two days. I guess I needed some rest. How I am suppose to sleep tonight we'll have to wait and see. I think I'm gonna do some training before jumping into bed.

So basically I'm only working 6 more days in 2,5 weeks. If I don't get any more bookings, which I of course hope. But otherwise, people, lets meet up! :)