Something on my mind

So, sometimes I think I'm just thinking about myself. But I think that's because I am always thinking about everybody else first, if that makes sence.

As for today. I booked a room for two hours to have for practicing everything in the world I need to practise. Two hours, because I can't really practice at home. I can study other things, but not practice.

And then I get a message from Elin saying she booked a room for the singers to that we can practice our harmonies for the gig coming up. And God knows we need it. It happens to be on the same hours that I already planned to to my things.

So again, I am the only one that has always showed up for rehearsal and pratices. I am the one always booking everything in advance. And the time I think about myself there's something coming up that will be affected if I don't show up. But then I think, why should I always be the one showing up if usually there's someone else not coming because of the lamest excuses?

It makes me angry that I know I will, once again, sacrifise my time, that also is important, to go and do something else because we will never function as a group if we don't practise together. But I think it's reallt unfair.

So I can tell you one thing. If people are not showing up at 1 pm. as said. I'm not gonna be bothered actually. That's the least I could expect, right?

Let it snow

It's snowing in London!

Well, it's snowing, but the snow never reaches the ground before it's melted. But hey, it's a good sign, I think.

cold air

It's soooo cold to leave the bed in the morning that you have no idea. And when you sleep you have to keep every body part under the duvet or you'll freeze it.

It's getting really cold here in London, for sure. But I like this ice cold, dry air, better then when it's cold and raining. It's doesn't quite go into your body the same way.

But yeah, I'm gonna have my a little too hot shower now and get to work. It's a tube strike going on, again, so I have to leave earlier.

good morning.

I've slept on and off until now, it's 10.15. It feels like I wasted my day. That's what I call a restless person.

My pleasure.

Today was a quite busy day at work, which made me happy and gave me enough tip so that I could go to the movies about three times if I wanted to. I only went one time tonight. With Elin, and we was Due Date. A pretty funny and weird film I have to say. Enjoyable for anyone!

"Dad, you have been like a father to me" was the epic line.

Oh and they closed down Oxford street and Regent street, to there were no cars but even more people on the streets tonight. Pretty cool, and I really wish my camera was working, because Christmas time here in London is something else. Even though, apparently, Christmas time starts even before Halloween.

Tomorrow is my day off, as usual, and my bf and I are gonna walk past Harrods and look at the decoration they made this year. I passed to many times, but only by bus. It's really cool.

Well, it's almost midnight and my bf should be off work any time now. So I'm gonna study just a bit before that. So have a good night my dear readers.

a thousand words.

I was suppose to study and then I came over all my old Photo Booth pictures and films. It's crazy how much has changed since I got this Mac.

I have pictures of people that's not in my life anymore. Like my Grand father, my cousin and my friend Evelyn. Three people I hold dear, still.

I have pictures of my time at the University and when I took care of a cat, that I called The Cat, and who actually was named Cat.

I have pictures of me and Emilie fixing my hair, a few times. Even though nothing beats the pictures of the first time she did it. Oh which reminds me, her dog Cindy was still alive too.

I have pictures were you can see I lost about 5 kilos in a week because of heartbreak, and I have pictures showing that I gained those lost kilos again.

I have pictures of wounds and infections...

I have pictures of my mum and I making ugly faces, and from when I decided to cut my brothers hair.

Yeah, I have a lot of memories as you could tell.
I keep my memories close to heart.

greeeeat

Today was a day were everything just fell into something great. Our band practise soundes pretty damn sweet I must say. We've been working really hard to get here, and today, when everything just soundes so good and the energy was lifting the roof I felt purly happy. I'm gonna continue doing this.

After that we kind of went to the pub to celebrate out victory. Really nice thing to do before having a history class.

And I went to the gym just before closing hours, so there's not busy at all. I feel great in both my body and soul. And my bf is giving me a treat tonight. Or maybe it's me giving one to him. Oh well. Bye.

playing music

Guys!

In two weeks, on the day, 9th of December, we're having out first school gig. The band has been practicing so hard and yesterday we sounded really really good. So please some a cheer for us.

It's somewhere here in London Bridge, I think the venue is called The Arch or something similar. Free entry and a bar you can buy drinks from. So come and enjoy for what it's worth.

better news

So yeah, could be seen as a not too good morning. But I have a very good bf here, and I don't care what people think about me being with him.

And then I had a nice long chat to my dad that basically told me to not be bothered about this whole thing. And he told me it's snowing a lot in Sweden, that the house he bought is going to become great once it's done and that he loves me a lot.

Then my piano class went really well, and my teacher really encouraged me do continue playing. So for the next year I'm definitely buying a keyboard so that I can play all the time.

I have sight singing in about 20 minuted and as always I'm already starving.

Whatever news I've got

I woke up this morning with a mail from my cousin. Wrong cousin. I got a mail from her sister saying that I should finally understand why my cousin doesn't want to talk to me. And that she herself doesn't want to have anything to do with me eighter.

Sometimes I think I'm a heartless bitch. Not in the sence as being meen, even though I have my dark sides too. But I'm heartless because I just don't care about people turning their back on me. I don't feel anything. And then I don't care, because I think people make terrible decisions all the time.

My cousin for example. I was the friend she had when she was bullied in school. I took her to movies and bought her ice cream because she didn't have any money back in the days. I would like to say I helped her become a stronger person. And when she thinks she has everything she needs, she doesn't "need" me anymore. I do say meen things when I feel like they are ought to be said, I don't regret them. And if people would say meen things to me, I would probably bite back and then actually think about the reason that person said those things. But it's me. I know I'm not perfect. But I don't run and hide, especially from a person that actually means something to me.

And so for her sister then. Yes here it comes, that things that might be a bit too much. Just turn your back. I don't want to be surrounded by people that always has to take someones side in a situation that has nothing to do with you. You can judge me, but as I said, I'm a heartless bitch and I don't feel it. So go have fun talking about me during Christmas, because I know you guys probably wont have anything better to talk about when I'm not there.

monday 22nd

Scratch that gym thing, my bf was too hungover, and i forgot to put my alarm clock.

Job today was soo quiet, but on the other hand I'm almost done with my book. I'm gonna go back and continue reading Stieg Larssons books for a while, and some Jazz Theory too.

I found some time to get a wax done and to buy a new awesomely nice t-shirt too, before I met up with my bf that came with me to Camden Town where my friends from school had some gigs.

Speaking of... the gigs tonight were awesome, and I also found out that my bands gig is in 2,5 weeks. I actually felt kind of nervous hearing that, but it's gonna be awesome. Fly over from wherever you come from for what it's worth.

Oh well, gym is definately on tomorrow morning, and that I have to go to school to do some home work. I love home work, but it would be a lot easier if I had a keyboard at home, hint hint, for another Christmas present.


Oh well, time for bed.

the old couple.

So for two night I've had to handle a drunk boyfriend. I really don't like drunk people, and less do I like annoying boyfriends that's drunk.

Last night he woke me up at 5 am to say he couldn't sleep and wanted to "chat". I told him off and he went back so sleep. I had to try for about half an hour to go back to my dreams, where I apparently was marriying my cousin.

The lunch today was really nice, but when the guys wanted to go to the pub again, I just went home finishing watching Robin Hood, slept for a while and started to study. Then he came home, not emitting he was drunk, and kind off passed out on me. We've been in bed for about an hour and a half and the time is now 21.10. Yeah, you read right...

Waking up at 5.45 to go to the gym though.

Now my bf is snoring and I'm gonna watch a film and try to get some sleep.

sundaymorning

I had a good night sleep. Then my bf woke me up around 5.30. But now in the end we woke up around 8 am.

Good start in the morning, and now I 'm so hungry and want breakfast. But in this flat they are watching Ulitmate fighting and I know I have to go alone if that's gonna happen before my session at the gym. Blah, as always.

See you.

nice for a change

Believe it or not, but work was really good today.

Sometimes interesting people walk in. I spent about 1,5 hour chatting with a woman from France, and then with her husband for about half an hour. Some people are just really interesting to talk to, and I do apprciate when people actually want to have a chat. And they gave me 5 pounds in tip.

Then a beautiful girl sat down and had Champange. She was a celebrity stylist with her own beaytishop. Ske said she wanted to stop wirking at 30 and get babies if she could find a decent boyfriend. She forgot her purse and ran away to get it and came back for another two glasses.

So my business was good, selling for about 145 pounds, getting about 17 pounds in tip, when I some other day usually sell for about 40 pounds and get 3 pounds in charity.

I spent some time with a new girl at work who apparently worked her last day today. She said it was too hard. I don't think so, but we're all different.

Spend several hours at different pubs with my bf and his co-workers. I was really tired, but I was nice too. I'm still tired and I have a "kick-off"-session with a trainer tomorrow morning. So good night me people.

ok.

I went to the gym twice today.

Woke up at six and had a session before I went to work. With this I forgot my studies, my book and my locker key. So I was bored out of my shoes today. I'm gonna make sure tonight I'll pack everything I need for tomorrow. I will go to the gym before work again. I't convinient since my bf is leaving home around 5 am.

Oh yeah, and I just had a Pad Thai after another session at the gym.
Now, bed time and finish the last 15 minutes of the second season. Good stuff.

I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need (and a few things more)

So since the last post i made I can tell you that my BF is back on FB. I think he lasted without for about one day or so... Brave trying.

School feels really good now, and my confidence is somewhat back. I mean, it's not Blues coming out of my mouth, but it sounds good. That's what my teacher said. I know I have to work harder, but I'm so used to getting things quite fast so this is a real challenge.

I've started making a pracise diary, so that I can keep track of how much I am practising and on what.

But I thought I was gonna give you my first handout of things I wish for for Christmas presents.

- A flask. Thermos in Swedish.

- I new calender for 2011.

- I nice notebook.

- Tickets to Sweden and back.

- Metronome.

- Tuner.

- 100 10000 00 Pounds would be handy too.

More to come. Bye.

bf without fb

My bf just deleted his FB page. I don't think I could do that, I would realize I'm not as cool without my 685 friends backing me up....

gym, but not today

I didn't go to the gym today... bad habit?! Nah, I'm going tomorrow morning instead. But I don't want to become that person saying something that I then don't do. Oh well... this was the second day. I can't be too hard on myself.


Blah blah blah. I have actually not much more to write today.

cheap bastard

Today I got 10 punds in tip from a guy. Then he called back to my manager saying he wanted them back. Who does that?

situation

So my dad is back home in Sweden again. He seemed happy, and tired.

My bf's hard drive is fucked up. He seems a bit upset.

I think I'm going to bed soon. The time is 20.16 right now.

She lives in a faiytale, somewhere too far for us to find.

PARAMORE was really amazing. And even though most of the crowd was not even allowed to drink, and even went with their parents, my BF "actually" enjoyed it.

I am even more convinced that this is what I want to do in my life. And I have my motivation brought back up since going to this school is really a confidence breaker most of the times.


And today I joined the gym, fucking fantastic is the feeling I'm trying to describe. So yeah, healthy and more good looking Emily is about to come. I can tell you all that I am really a happy girl right now.

oh happy day.

That band thing wasn't really what I expected. More like one guy that are trying to put up a band. He had some good ideas but I don't know if I will be able to work with him. I should perhaps try it first, but something is telling me to continue looking.


Anyways. I had such a busy day at work yesterday. FINALLY. I didn't even get to read a magazine. I loved it and I'm off to work in just a bit. I hope this will keep up for a couple of months. I'm tired of reading gossip and trying to understand music theory for 8 hours a day.

But today is a big PARAMORE day. I can't believe it! I'm so super exctied that I could wet my pants right now. So yes, you are allowed to be jealous today. Bye.

Would you fancy a second date?

So this "double date" thing went quite well I think. It was nice and now I'm tired and have a stomache ache. I'm going up to work tomorrow and I am really not looking forward to it. But I did get payed yesterday, so I guess that's what has to keep me motivated from taking any loans and all that.

In two days my bf and I will have gone to the Paramore concert.
I'm super excited, he is not.

plan

I love porridge. I had my first porridge breakfast in a long time and God that was good.

As always my bf like to play around, and what seemed like two hours is now half an hour. So I gotta go and make myself ready for band practice in school.

Tonight my bf, his friend, Elin and I are gonna play some pool here in Fulham. That wi be fun. But the thing is that we had a plan to hook Elin and Matt, as his name is, and to be able to do that we l´kind of had to lie to both of them. So now Matt thinks that Elin thinks he is good looking, and he is, but she's a picky girl. And Elin thinks we're just gonna hang out in general. So I think this is hilarious and I will probably crack up once we're all together.

Oh, got to go. !

And that never happened eighter

Great day today.

Practice kind of never happened. But lunch did. Well, I did practice for myself for 2 hours, but we just could practice as a band since two people has gone away, one got injured and another one just couldn't give a fuck. I'm gonna make sure the last person mentioned is gonna get kicked out of the P&I groups. He is pissing me off with his arrogance. Yep, hard words, but I'm here and I'm serious.

Then I went to Elin's place and I just got in 10 minutes ago. We were suppose to start doing one of our part for the final exam, but that never happened. Food and a lot of talking and FB stalking happened. People in my school is really not what they seem to be. Interesting.

Tomorrow I'm finally joining the way expensive gym. And I'm gonna get a new job. I can't stay where I'm working right now. It's to quiet.

My bf just asked for a bj, gotta go.

That was my Tuesday.

So yesterdays practice went reallt well! I think we have something going not many other school band will do. So if you'll get your ass here in December sometime you could see for yourself.

Then I practiced some piano, and yeah, I'm getting there.. slowly.

And I called my dad who apparently still are in Australia. It was 3 am there. But I think he was happy anyway.

I met up with my old flat mate too. We had a cozy time at a cafe around Bourogh Market.

After that I went to my place and had a long hot shower and listened to Regina Spector. Fell asleep and woke up and took a taxi to my bf.

Today I'm doing the same thing, exept he has to come to me if he wants to sleep next to me.

Oh and on Friday I'm meeting up with a guitarist from a band. So hopefully I can get started out there pretty soon.

All about music.

I'm having a band practice in school. I promise this is gonna sound fucking amazing! 

Also my piano skills is about to improve too. Right now I'm learning how to play Kiss from a Rose by Seal. Amazing song too. 

After this I might hook up with my old flat mate for some cultural stuff or just a coffee. Even though I didn't stay with them very much while I was living with them I quite miss them. 

Oh, and I applies for another band, I'm gonna meet up with the guitarr player on Friday I think. Excited. WOTWOT! 

Yeah yeah, gotta focus a bit now. 

Hello Father?

This goes out to my dad.

Are you back from Australia yet? I miss you, so could you please give me a call?!

I'm not too proud to shout it, tell the world about it.

Today I cost more then I made. I made about 2.71 Pounds per hour. One coffee costs 2.75. I think I've had enough and it's time for a change. I mean, I had time for studying, but when I'm at work I prefer to actually work. So hopefully I can get a job in Sloan Square. We'll see, but I can't stand being this bored 3 days a week.

plain.

So today was a weird day. PMS can ruin so much. I was suppost to start training, but that never happened. Instead I met up with Elin and walked around at Brick Lane Market. I bought a pair of sunglasses, ironic huh? It was freezing today.

then I was moody with my bf, who didn't anything to deserve that. But he's wonderfully patient with me, so he held me while I was cold and pittying myself.

Then I got food and sweets in my belly and I was happy. We started to watch V for Vendetta, and now it's almost 22.30 and we're going to bed. A pretty nice day anyways. But I can feel now that I need about 5 more liters of water in my body. I'm so thirsty.

Oh, and my bf and I fixed my friend Elin a date for Thursday. I'm excited.

mr. muscle?

The shower did me good. But I realized that those 84 Pounds a month can be worth if. I'm wondering... what went wrong?

Sex laxar i en lax ask

I ate salmon today as well. But I added sunflower seeds today.

Other then that I've really bored at work. No kidding, after 9 hours I had sold coffees for 38.25 Pounds. NOTHING. Usually I go up to around 100 Pounds. Fortunately Elin came by for about one hour.

I'm thinging about change work. They might want to let me work in another restaurant in Sloan Square. I just need to say that I want to do it and I might get a trial.

Now I think I'm gonna have a shower.
That massage yesterday was exactly what I needed, because I'm broken. So I'm gonna try to get one tonight as well, but I guess we could say it's my turn to be on top.

Tomorrow my bf is gonna join this fancy gym here in Fulham. I'm thinking about joining too, the same gym, but the thing is that I'll have to pay 84 Pounds a month. I know it wouldn't be wasted money, and I know that I'll soon enough get money onto my Swedish account. But it's still a lot of money that I could spend on private classes and piano classes, or even buying a good key board. But I really need to start training. ANd then again, I might change work place, and since that restaurant is busy I would get more money at the end of the month.

Sometimes it's really good to write shit thought down. Things can start making sence, and you can come to a solution.

Busy Bee.

So guess who's writing a post and is getting a massage at the same time. Me, of course.

Today was good, work was slow as usual, until the very last hour. BOOM and there were coffees after coofees, and beers and wine. Mhm. So business was quite good today.

And wher I came home to my bf, I cooked healthy Salmon with a sallad on the side. Yummy. And I manage to send away the final thing to csn, and pay for my student Oyster card. See, I can be organised too.

So back to present time. I'm gonna lay down on my belly to get my promised 15 minutes massage.

Quote of the day, and some deep shit.

So Kalina asked me if I thought this guy on her phone was goodlooking. I looked and said:

"Well, he's nice. But I'm not into black people anymore."

It came out a bit wrong and there was a black student right next to us. He didn't hear me, I think. But he did leave the room after that was said.

I really don't think about black people and white people. But of course, sometimes it's quite obvious. Like I have this girl in my P&I group who has a big fat black voice I wish I had. But I have to stick to my little white girl voice, because that's how I was born.

Oh and yesterday on my 3rd bus (it was a tubestrike) home, I sat in the back of the bus and next to me sat a man, yes he was black. I wouldn't think of it, but the whole busride he talked on the phone with someone about how he always dates white chicks, listen to white music (like Bon Jovi he said and sung a tune) and then constantly had to add but I still like the black ladies and also listens to Usher. I thought that was more entertaining then listening to my iPod, so just pressed Pause and had to control my needs for a humongous laugh.

One of them smart experience

So I'm back with my boyfriend again. Haha, drama drama. But I guess it's good sometimes, in small dozes. So you could guess who kind of choked me last night by holding me to tight. It ws kind of cozy in there though.

I had such a great start at my piano lesson today. You know when you get those "AAAAH" experiences (not the painful ones if that what you're thinking). Well, I had one and I'm sure I'm gonna be a great piano player at some point. It was kind of like Barbie finally getting that she was blond. So I feel so good about myself right now.

So now before sightsinging class I'm in the Quiet study room with Kalina, laughing out loud.

Oh, and also... I got my second answer from CSN, and I'm positive I'm gonna get some money on my Swedish account some time soon. I love this day. Now I'm hungry too.

Something tastes different, maybe it's my thoughts

It's a good thing I have one really good friend here. Or I have a few of them. But the swedish girl Elin and I have become really close. My bf was my best friend, but you know how it is when people break up, so I don't know. I know I'm strong and can do things on my own. I've already proven that to myself earlier this year. But it's nice not to be alone all the time.

You are my sweetest downfall

It's strange how everything changes all of a sudden.

Yesterday was a really good day for me in school, and I've finally decided what song I'm gonna sing the lead to. So check out The Isley Brothers - This old heart of mine.

It was a tube strike today, so I had the change to really listen to it for some time. But today was maybe not the best day to had that tune in my head.

Yesterday was one year since my grandfather past away. I remember it like yesterday, how I was about to get picked up by my mum from work around 11 pm. My cousin that at that time was living in London called me and was really upset. And yeah, the rest I told you already.

So yesterday wasn't the happiest of days, and above all that my boyfriend decided to break up with me. I don't know what to say more then it's sad. Really sad. But since apparently people close to me started to take their distance from me this year, after 11 months I've lost my strenght and heart to fight for them, and anyone else who is deciding to leave. I might end up alone, but that's life.