date(s)

I am having a great time in Sweden, and the weather is just perfect. 

I must say that I am keeping very busy though, running around between friends, training, family and dates. Yes, I am making the effort to actually go on dates. This is in plural, I just think why not. I'm on holiday and I haven't met up with new people for so long that I kinda just want to go overboard on this... Never the less, it's been interesting so far. TBC!

Hello, it's me

Now Midsummer weekend is out of the way. 
I ate so much I felt sick, no need for alcohol to get me to that state. 
Had a really nice time with my family and yesterday (Saturday) the weather was great, today I was paying the price of not putting sun screen on my shoulders... But now it seems like there might just be shit weather all week. At least it's hot as fuck. Love it. 

Midsummer

It's Midsummer and I just got back to Sweden.

My flight was almost 3 hours delayed. 
That meant I went eating bad stuff out of boredom. I also bought myself a new handbag. 
There was a crying baby behind me on the flight. 
I had to take the shutterbus into town because my "driver" overslept. He picked me up from the central anyway. Then he locked the house keys in the garage and we had to call my mum to come from work and open the door for us. Now it's 5.45am and I should really be going to sleep if we are going to party all day today. 

But I am happy. I have 10 days off. I had a mega awesome leg session today before heading to the airlort. I am no longer dieting. I am slightly at peace that I will get fatter this week. I just want to enjoy myself. I might just have to diet a little bit when I'm back in London, but right now I want to just chill and enjoy myself. 

getting older, getting smaller

Today is my last day as a 26 year old. That's all I have to say about that really. 
I'm still enjoying life and I'm trying not to stress about the fact that my eggs are getting old haha. 

Jumped back on the high horse with my diet after Saturday's slip, and tomorrow we are taking new measurements and progress photos. I weigh less than I have in many many years and lower it will go, but I don't really care. Honestly, the only thing that really annoys me is that I'm not allowed to donate blood until I gain my weight back up again. I just have to find another way to be a hero for a little while. 

YMBBT

So today I went volunteering at You Me Bum Bum Train again, the things I did last year. It was nice, but if I go back next weekend I will chose another scene. 

My dieting has been going so well, until today. I fucking went to town with my refeed and this means that tomorrow I will double my cardio to 1hr to at least make up for some of the shit I put into my body today. Damnit. I did so well, really! I feel veru guilty, but there is nothing to do about it now than to be even more on point from tomorrow. 

Easter

Hi,

This weekend is Easter weekend.
I'm working of course. But it's okay. 

I have really enjoyed working lately. It is still hard core, but my state of mind is different and it just makes things so much easier. 

I am genuinely tired though, but when it comes to night time I am wired.
I should really just try cut out the coffee for a while, but I don't feel that I drink it because I need to wake up. It's just so tasty and comforting. 

Anyway, Easter weekend. I would've loved to go back home and see my family, but life is what it is and I'm okay with that at the moment. My flatmates are both in Denmark as well, so I have the house to my self. I have a case study to complete in a week's time so I need to spend some serious time on it this weekend and I won't be disturbed, unless I want to be! 

Happy Easter everyone. 

(I won't be having any easter eggs, because I'm still on a diet haha!)

Sunday Funday

It is 8.30pm and I am just about to take off my PJ's for the first time today, only to take a bath and then jump back into them again and go to bed. 

I have spent most of the day doing my online exam for Body Type Nutrition. I didn't finish, but I only need to spend another couple of hours on it before Friday night. So I should be fine. 

Spent some time with Raae in the kitchen listening to music and remenising about the early 2000. What good times it was... 15 years ago. My God. Oh Well. Move on. Don't forget. 

I'm actually quite excited to work. 
I'm excited to learn.
I'm excited to be a part of it all.

I'm also excited to fly back to Sweden next week.
I'm probably going to appreciate it more than ever, all the time for myself and my family and for anything that I want to do. It's going to be great. Just like the bath I'm about to take.

Keeping it UP

It's been a while, I know. 

Things has really been a rollercoaster. I got super ill with the flu after crashing with the diet. Needed a whole week to recover and probably another 5 days feeling shit at work before I came back to normal. Decided that my transformation would be pushed as I wasn't ready for it, went back to eating normal and got happier again. 

I have now booked in a photoshoot for mid June, which gives me 15 weeks to train hard and then diet down a bit less agressive. I'm not sure who is going to coach me, but I have a feeling that this time around it will be done with better unsterstanding of how I work. 

Today I met up with Nancy and her bf. Haven't seen her since starting UP and in two weeks she's moving to Bristol. Life really goes on and I can't believe it's coming up fo 6 years of me living here. 

Next weekend I'm flying back to Sweden to visit. Both of my brothers just had their birthdays and so it will be nice to spend a long weekend together. 

As for this weekend. I'm sitting in my room and as soon as I finish these lines I will crack on with work for next week so that tomorrow I can do my online nutrition course exam without having to prepare stuff for Monday. But we'll see what happens...

Recap

This week has actually been really hard, but I survived. 
I think it's going to take a little time to get used to the feeling of pressure that lies ontop of us. This week I have been given a few clients, so the shit just got real. Next week I'm doing at least 13hrs and things are not going back down from here. I want to be so good.. and a part of me is really nervous about to work around people who have been in the industry for many years. I think the biggest obstacle to overcome is the feeling of "I should be better at this already" or "I should know all this already". I really just need to remind myself that I applied to UP because I believed I was good, but have so far to go and learn from other people. 

I'm nervous because I want to be great. I want my clients to be great. I want my own transformation to be great. I wish I had a little bit more bro-mentality in me, but that's probably not going to happen... like ever.

And so yesterday I briefly sat down and talked to K about how I feel. 
The words I used were imbalanced and disconnected.

I know I have such limited time of the week now, spending probably more than 65 hrs at work, and then a good few hours a week to prepare food... to bring to work.And ultimately, work IS my life right now. So to feel so imbalanced and disconnected with the one person I want it to feel light and easy with just seem too much. And it's funny how I get so excited when I know I'm going to see him, but there is so little to push my buttons when I'm with him. I don't know why it's like this, but I really don't think he deserves it. All I really want is for us both to be happy, like truly happy. And at this point in time, whether it being intentional or not, we just don't seem to contribute much to eachothers happiness.