Viva Roma

Hellooo,

I am great, just thought I'd put it out there. 

Tomorrow I'm going to Rome, a place I've wanted to go to for many many years. Now it's finally happening. And I'm meeting my dad and stepmum and I think we're gonna have a fabulous time together. Can't wait.

I'm dieting again, which will make it a little bit difficult, but my head is strong and I've prepared this week for a little bit of trating myself "when in Rome". I'm feeling happy and confident at the moment so I can't really complain. 

It's been a week since I came back from Sweden. I've kept myself kinda busy. 
Work is still fairly slow with client hours, but as now I'm training twice a day 3 days a week it takes up a little time. 

I've completely stopped caring about "being fatter" and food doesn't freak me out at all anymore. I'm enjoying good food and some bad food and wine as well. 

With some help from my mentor I'm training really hard and I'm trying to grow, and next year hopefully I can diet again and go on stage to compete. 

Today I spent in bed almost the entire day. Then I found a link saying that today they had a memorial for the great fire of London that happened 350 years ago. So I decided to walk all the way down to South Bank to watch the fire for about 20 min, and then walk back home again. 

I'm feeling very grateful at the moment. And now it's time to sleep.

Holiday part 2

I'm just at the airport back from Sweden for the second time this summer. 
I've had an amsolutely amazing 9 days and of course, as always I wasn't quite ready to go back to London reality just yet. But I am excited to get back into a routine and some healthy eating. 

My diet has litterally been "low protein, high bread, dairy product and sugar". Jumping on the scale will be a bit of a scare tomorrow morning, but I am happy to say that this time around I don't really care. I am back to full soft self and I am ready to start working super hard on building muscle and getting leaner without dieting.

Until next time...

date(s)

I am having a great time in Sweden, and the weather is just perfect. 

I must say that I am keeping very busy though, running around between friends, training, family and dates. Yes, I am making the effort to actually go on dates. This is in plural, I just think why not. I'm on holiday and I haven't met up with new people for so long that I kinda just want to go overboard on this... Never the less, it's been interesting so far. TBC!

Hello, it's me

Now Midsummer weekend is out of the way. 
I ate so much I felt sick, no need for alcohol to get me to that state. 
Had a really nice time with my family and yesterday (Saturday) the weather was great, today I was paying the price of not putting sun screen on my shoulders... But now it seems like there might just be shit weather all week. At least it's hot as fuck. Love it. 

Midsummer

It's Midsummer and I just got back to Sweden.

My flight was almost 3 hours delayed. 
That meant I went eating bad stuff out of boredom. I also bought myself a new handbag. 
There was a crying baby behind me on the flight. 
I had to take the shutterbus into town because my "driver" overslept. He picked me up from the central anyway. Then he locked the house keys in the garage and we had to call my mum to come from work and open the door for us. Now it's 5.45am and I should really be going to sleep if we are going to party all day today. 

But I am happy. I have 10 days off. I had a mega awesome leg session today before heading to the airlort. I am no longer dieting. I am slightly at peace that I will get fatter this week. I just want to enjoy myself. I might just have to diet a little bit when I'm back in London, but right now I want to just chill and enjoy myself. 

getting older, getting smaller

Today is my last day as a 26 year old. That's all I have to say about that really. 
I'm still enjoying life and I'm trying not to stress about the fact that my eggs are getting old haha. 

Jumped back on the high horse with my diet after Saturday's slip, and tomorrow we are taking new measurements and progress photos. I weigh less than I have in many many years and lower it will go, but I don't really care. Honestly, the only thing that really annoys me is that I'm not allowed to donate blood until I gain my weight back up again. I just have to find another way to be a hero for a little while. 

YMBBT

So today I went volunteering at You Me Bum Bum Train again, the things I did last year. It was nice, but if I go back next weekend I will chose another scene. 

My dieting has been going so well, until today. I fucking went to town with my refeed and this means that tomorrow I will double my cardio to 1hr to at least make up for some of the shit I put into my body today. Damnit. I did so well, really! I feel veru guilty, but there is nothing to do about it now than to be even more on point from tomorrow. 

Easter

Hi,

This weekend is Easter weekend.
I'm working of course. But it's okay. 

I have really enjoyed working lately. It is still hard core, but my state of mind is different and it just makes things so much easier. 

I am genuinely tired though, but when it comes to night time I am wired.
I should really just try cut out the coffee for a while, but I don't feel that I drink it because I need to wake up. It's just so tasty and comforting. 

Anyway, Easter weekend. I would've loved to go back home and see my family, but life is what it is and I'm okay with that at the moment. My flatmates are both in Denmark as well, so I have the house to my self. I have a case study to complete in a week's time so I need to spend some serious time on it this weekend and I won't be disturbed, unless I want to be! 

Happy Easter everyone. 

(I won't be having any easter eggs, because I'm still on a diet haha!)

Sunday Funday

It is 8.30pm and I am just about to take off my PJ's for the first time today, only to take a bath and then jump back into them again and go to bed. 

I have spent most of the day doing my online exam for Body Type Nutrition. I didn't finish, but I only need to spend another couple of hours on it before Friday night. So I should be fine. 

Spent some time with Raae in the kitchen listening to music and remenising about the early 2000. What good times it was... 15 years ago. My God. Oh Well. Move on. Don't forget. 

I'm actually quite excited to work. 
I'm excited to learn.
I'm excited to be a part of it all.

I'm also excited to fly back to Sweden next week.
I'm probably going to appreciate it more than ever, all the time for myself and my family and for anything that I want to do. It's going to be great. Just like the bath I'm about to take.

Keeping it UP

It's been a while, I know. 

Things has really been a rollercoaster. I got super ill with the flu after crashing with the diet. Needed a whole week to recover and probably another 5 days feeling shit at work before I came back to normal. Decided that my transformation would be pushed as I wasn't ready for it, went back to eating normal and got happier again. 

I have now booked in a photoshoot for mid June, which gives me 15 weeks to train hard and then diet down a bit less agressive. I'm not sure who is going to coach me, but I have a feeling that this time around it will be done with better unsterstanding of how I work. 

Today I met up with Nancy and her bf. Haven't seen her since starting UP and in two weeks she's moving to Bristol. Life really goes on and I can't believe it's coming up fo 6 years of me living here. 

Next weekend I'm flying back to Sweden to visit. Both of my brothers just had their birthdays and so it will be nice to spend a long weekend together. 

As for this weekend. I'm sitting in my room and as soon as I finish these lines I will crack on with work for next week so that tomorrow I can do my online nutrition course exam without having to prepare stuff for Monday. But we'll see what happens...

Recap

This week has actually been really hard, but I survived. 
I think it's going to take a little time to get used to the feeling of pressure that lies ontop of us. This week I have been given a few clients, so the shit just got real. Next week I'm doing at least 13hrs and things are not going back down from here. I want to be so good.. and a part of me is really nervous about to work around people who have been in the industry for many years. I think the biggest obstacle to overcome is the feeling of "I should be better at this already" or "I should know all this already". I really just need to remind myself that I applied to UP because I believed I was good, but have so far to go and learn from other people. 

I'm nervous because I want to be great. I want my clients to be great. I want my own transformation to be great. I wish I had a little bit more bro-mentality in me, but that's probably not going to happen... like ever.

And so yesterday I briefly sat down and talked to K about how I feel. 
The words I used were imbalanced and disconnected.

I know I have such limited time of the week now, spending probably more than 65 hrs at work, and then a good few hours a week to prepare food... to bring to work.And ultimately, work IS my life right now. So to feel so imbalanced and disconnected with the one person I want it to feel light and easy with just seem too much. And it's funny how I get so excited when I know I'm going to see him, but there is so little to push my buttons when I'm with him. I don't know why it's like this, but I really don't think he deserves it. All I really want is for us both to be happy, like truly happy. And at this point in time, whether it being intentional or not, we just don't seem to contribute much to eachothers happiness.

Politics

After the bowling and where most people took off to the night club I went to an ice cream bar with the two kiropractors at the gym. Such sweet married young couple, both great at what they do. 

We had a really good chat about everything and I felt like they just wanted to check in on me and give me a friendly word of advice about the gym. Nothing I haven't already noticed after 3 weeks of more or less just observing people, but still nice. 

I also found out that N.M. held a proper speech before christmas about there being a new woman starting and that is anyone tried to undermine me or make be feel bad (as a woman), they would be gone... not only from UP, but from the fitness industry. In a way that makes me feel kind of important, but also gives me a really good kick for wanting to do good. I don't think I fully comprehend the opportunity that has been given me by starting working for N.M. All I know is that I was given this job for a reason. 

Steve Jobs 2.0

If anything, since started UP Fitness, my skills at technology has increased. It really is ridiculous how bad I am at computer stuff, so everything is actually taking more time than necessary. I am enjoying it though. 

This week, the big man himself, Nick Mitchell has been visiting at the gym. He's really cool, and almost exactly how I would imagine him to be. I think he seems happy to finally have a woman working for him in the UK, and so I will do my very best to impress him. 

Yesterday we went out for dinner and bowling with the team bacause one of the guys are moving over to run the Singapore gym. It was a really nice time, but me being on a diet meant that I only "treated myself" with a glass of wine and half a waffle for dessert, whilst the guys were pounding down drinks like water. But I think it was a good time to get to know some of the guys a little bit better, and also a great time to be wearing my leather heals again haha. 

hench

This week I started my own transformation. So in 12-16 weeks I will be in "the best" shape ever. A very subjective thing to say... but I will definitely be as lean as I have ever been. It is going to be interesting for sure...

Week 2

Week two at Ultimate Performance is over and I have survived.
I have done my online tax return thingy... 

Tomorrow I am starting my transformation, that will take 12-16 weeks. Meaning I will get super fucking lean and vascular haha. Photoshoot ready basically. 
I'm excited and nervous at the same time, but I will be very helpful to know what I will put my client's through. 

So last night i had a massive fest with my friends Wendy and Quaam. I litterally ate as much as I can of everything that was presented in front of me. The difference in weight from the morning to before bed was 2kg plus. And this morning I was 0.8kg up from yesterday morning. 

I still haven't had any solid food today as I can feel the pulled pork comfortably lying in my belly. But it was so good and from tomorrow I will have to weigh and track everything I put into my mouth. Bye bye social events!

New Years feel like forever ago, and I have been ill since Jan 1st. Feeling much better now, but my nose keeps on being blocked and annoying. 

And so I started my new job at UP Fitness last Tuesday. 
Today I calculated that I spend roughly 60 hours in that place a week. So far I haven't had any clients given to me, but I have had loads to do that I guess it has been good with some "quiet" time. 

It's really exciting and all the guys I work with seem really nice and helpful. 
Today I also had my first proper session this year since I have been ill for freaking ever. Feels good to be back in the game.

2016 - New year, Same me

Happy New Year everyone. 

I celebrated with friends, quite mellow but a really nice time. 
Today I am sick. Like actually unwell, not hangover, although there might be some dehydration sensation going on in my body as well. 

I had such a nice time back in Sweden and I am truly grateful for the moments I shared with my family and friends. I wish I could split myself in two so that it would be possible to be there more, but I really feel that I make the most of it when I'm there. 

As for the beginning of this year... and resolutions. 

I actually don't have any. 
I always work hard for the things I want and so I am going to keep working hard for the things I want. This coming year will be a massive challenge and opportunity for growth in my career and I am so up for it. I think it's going to be fun as well as hard. But I like things hard sometimes. 

Right now I just want to feel 100% well.
I still have tons of things I need to sort out before getting started on Tuesday next week and so there is no time to JUST sit back and relax (even though I am intending to do a lot of that as well).

Anyway. I hope everyone gets what they want out of this year to come. 
 Lots of love.

Merry Christmas

I'm back home in Sweden, and today we celebrated Christmas at my mum's for the first time ever I think. We're always either at my dad's or at my grandma's.. but it was really nice for a change and everyone had a really nice time. 

I am really enjoying myself so much being home... almost so much that my life back in London fades and it's really hard to think that I only see these people so little every year. It's a reality away from reality. I love both realities and I wish I could have both. I guess one day I will make that happen by moving back to Sweden and doing what I do in London, but it will still not be the same. 

Oh well... I have another 5 days here to really make the most of. Sleep is high on the agenda. I have a feeling I will not get much of that in the next year so yes, I am really going to make the most of it.

Merry Christmas everyone!