paus

Heading to my gran with my mum. See you tomorrow!

blab blab blab

I never went to the gym. Instead I took the opportunity to practice some dancing... some old routines that mosty still is inside of me, even though I haven't performed them in about 2,5 to 3 years now.

This was good, since I was asked to dance on my uncles wedding in November. So I've picked two dances now that I think will be suitable.

Now I'm a wreck and feeling a bit sick from all the spinning and head circles etc. so I just had some pancakes as a treat. I think some stretching will do me good too. And maybe some singing too.

But I have to go to work in about an hour and a half. There's only so much you can do at once.

Now I'm just blabbing away because, I don't know why. So the end.

We stand alone, together.

I'm thinking about training today, but I don't really feel like it. Hmmm, what should I do? Eh, I'll just go and get it over with.

When I get home I'm gonna watch Band of Brothers for the fifth time, just to treat myself.

aaaaaah! :)

Woke up at half eight, feeling quite fresh I must say.
Now I've been chilling for a bit and it's time to head to the gym. I don't know why and I wouldn't wanna change, but I just love going to the gym. Sometimes it's hard to get your ass out of the door, but once on the way it's the best.

This is one of those breaking points... just have to put on my running shoes and go.
GO!

slowly, slowly oh so slowly

I'm so happy I'm working evening tomorrow and not morning. In five days I've been working eight shifts. I'm wrecked, but I'm living. And today was quite easy, thank lord for that!

Today is my bf's first night in our new home. I with I could be there too, but my time will come. I'm so excited and I really think I will love this year and grow so much.

Now, I need some sleep.

AWESOME!

The festival yesterday was soooo awesome. My and my brother stood at the front, in the ocean of people. Jumping up and down for hours. I had so much fun and I just can't wait to go back to Englend and start focusing on this shit for real. I will stand up there infront of thousands of people and make them dance. Music is the best.

FAIL

Eh, that hour of staying in got extended with me falling into a deep needed sleep. Then my cousin from Skåne called and woke me up. Now it's 15.15 and I think I'm just gonna chill at the balcony and read for a bit.

I just wanna see you sweat

I'm amazed how much a person can sweat. Personally I love sweating, when it's in the right occasion e.i. when I am traing or doing any other physical exercise. The more the better, haha.

Oh, and the weather is sooooo good today. I think I'm gonna stay in for just one hour more, to shower, eat and get dressed and skype, and then just chill outside somewhere. And tonight my bother and I are going to a festival to see two great bands, as I told you yesterday. I'm stoked!

fucking ego

Eventful

So today wasn't boring in many ways. I was working on a very nice schedule today. The sun came out and I was working out in only sport top and legings at the outdoor gym. I think the sun was well needed. One last shot before the long, cold and dark period of the year. It's suppose to be great wether tomorrow as well, so when I go to see Timbuktu and Hoffmaestro at the All star festival it's gonna be epic.

The only negative thing about today was that I got a text saying I couldn't go to the concert with my friends tomorrow because another friend of them didn't want them to go with me. Which I could have, just a bit, understand IF the person herself would have gone. But she is not, yet I can't go with my friends. But anyways, drama days are over for me. Congrats!

And so tonight... with the intentions to go to a gig, Emilie, her sister and I ended up at an outdoor filmshow. We stayed for about one hour and then of course we went to the gig. My friends band, HILDAS GITARR, are so good. I'm inspired and jealous of the band they have created. And to have seen them grow so much. It's really nice. Anyways. I'm gonna sing a bit after a short skype session with my bf.

maybe not

Just came home from my gran. It was really nice to see that she's hanging in there, but it still pains me to see here being so strong. I wanted to cry every ten minutes, but I didn't want to do it. Maybe I'll shread some tears when I go to bed or maybe I won't. I'm today it came back to me, I'm sad.

I know it's gonna be like this for some time, so what can you do...

I train

I had to work another double shift today. I was a bit tired a while ago, but now I'm fine and I just want to eat.

I was gonna train today, but since I got home this late I don't think it's the best ideas. I am, however, not working double shift tomorrow since I'm going to my grandma to decide somethings about the funeral. But I am going to be away most of the day anyways.

I think tomorrow I will force myself to go up at 5 am and do my workout before work. This means I have to go to bed like now to get some decent sleep. Good night then.

early morning bird

6.23 am.

I've had my breakfast, packed my bag and put on my clothes.
I'm not too tired considering yesterdays 15 hours shift.
But I'm sure I'm gonna be tired sometime today. But I'm only working a short 8.5 hours day today. Then I'm off to the gym straight after work, even if it's misty like it is right now.

Laaaater.

sweat baby

Just came home from my run and training at the outdoor gym. It was only me and ladyboys there. Maybe not, but I couldn't tell the difference because of the manboobs. Tomorrow I'm working 7.30-23.00, so after a shower and a protein shake dinner I'm off to bed.

time fly

Eh, time just got away and I'm still up.
Time to get ready for bed. Good night.

hello, hello?

Tomorrow is a brand new day

I've had a twisted emotion day. Stupid period messing around. You guys have no idea, I'm telling you. But then again I guess you're the ones who have to put up with all the bullshit we have inside.

Well, anyways. I've had a very weird day. Maybe it's because I got a message from my long lost cousin, or maybe because I only slept 2,5 hours and only ate crispbread until like 5.30 pm today.

But I think somewhere along the way during work I found some real happiness. It truly is a great feeling to help other people and make them happy for a short period of their day. The way you can make them forget about worries or even pain, to see them smile when you show some interest in their lifes. Well, it made me happy today.

Tomorrow I'm going to see my grandma and her new house. I'm actually looking forward to it. A bit, at least.

we'll move mountains.

I have this pretty weird feeling of being sad and happy at the same time.

I just got home from a big night out yesterday and I saw this message in my inbox, from my cousin. It was long, and I replied in a novel myself.

Now afterwards I kind of wish I hadn't written back, bacause all the things I wanna say is not good enough in an email. And still I don't know what to say. But I wrote back. I hope nothing will be missunderstood because I think we both hurt eachother last year and that was enough.

It has been one year of silence between us and I'd kind of started to accept it, even though I never wanted to. Now when the day came and she replied to me I'm happy because I never wanted to lose contact in the first place, but sad, because I know we won't be what we once were. But, she is my cousin, and I do love her very much. So maybe this is a step in the right direction. At least in one direction.

WE'RE ON THE MOVE.

So we got the flat. FINALLY!
I'm really happy, but just a tiny bit concerned too.
I think the flat will be great for me and my bf, and we also just found out that it has a loft, so we do have storage space. But we had to pay 1000 pounds each for the deposit, plus another 120 each for some extra admin stuff. So basically I have no UK money left, and then I realize I wont get payed again until Novebmer. So I got a bit scared, but I'm sure it will turn out great at the end. This year will just be a bit of a stuggle. So don't get mad if you don't get any expensive gifts for Christmas, or any at all. I just can't afford it this year.

today

Because of the rain I didn't go out for a run. But I did do a proper training session, plus I'm going out dancing tonight, so no hard feelings here.

Now I'm making pasta and meatballs for me and my hungover brother. Then I'm gonna get ready and go and see my friends gig just before heading to work.

Good morning, hello

good night

Well, I've had my me-time and I've been practicing some singing... plus entertained my brother and his friends. I'm going to bed, with out putting my alarm clock on. NICE!

inspiration

I just came home from the dance. Now it's over for this time. It's so sad, but I'm so happy and inspired. I promise this time it won't take 2,5 years until I dance again. It's a part of me.

So, tonight... I'm gonna practice singing.
I've decided I want to sing on my grandads funeral. At least I want to try to. So I need to prepare myself so much for that.

But first I'm gonna have some me time.

with you, everything is positive

AAAAH, dancing is great. So beautiful.
Tomorrow is the last day and I'm gonna miss it so much after this week.
I can feel that my body is tired, but it's working on full speed anyways. But at the end of the day, like now, it's just not much left in me. And I'm losing my appetite, which it a bit weird, since I'm so active from 6 am to about 11 pm.

Oh well, I'm gonna go and to a quick ab-session before I take my hot relaxing shower.

Much love!

smells fishy

Came home from the dance about 2 hours ago, maybe time for that well needed shower...

Bahwak aala tool wa sneen

OMG the dance my teacher is building is so beautiful. It's too bad I've lost to much of my talent. I give myslef this promise that I will get back into it, even though if it's just one ay a week. It's too important to me.

Tonight I spoke to my dad for the first time since before my grandad passed away. I missed talking to him, but in my family we tend to give eachother some time to take in the handle things like this on our own. We're all about the same so it's good.

I've also been very good looking for scholarships and looking up my dentist's number and stuff like that. I have about one month to do all of this, so I better not be lazy.

I don't wanna go, I just wanna see the light.

Work, okay.
Dance, great.

The song we're dancing to is about passion and love.
I know it's in arabic, but even if we didn't get it translated I would still find it a nice song. I hope to be able to show you one day.

My old dance teacher is amazing. Truly gifted.
I'm really happy that I have this week at the dance school.
But I know after this wek it will end, and go back to normal.
I will keep it up, in one way or another. I love it too much not to.

Anyways, it's bedtime. I woke up just a tiny bit too tired today, so if I sleep within half an hour I'll be fine for 6 am tomorrow morning.


Just to mention this. Things are moving forward since the tragic thing that happened on Saturday, but I think I spend more time thinking about my grandad than I realize. I know he won't come back. But I do believe a person can live forever when you keep him in your heart. I see his face right before my eyes, and he is smiling at me. I'm so sad, but I can't help to be happy at the same time. I'm so greatful for the 22 years I had him in my life.

Love.

HEROES AND THIEVES

I just came home to a way quiet home.

My bf is on his plane back to England.
My mum is at my Grans, along with my aunt.
My brother is somewhere else.

It hasn't been this quiet in a while. It makes you think deeper thoughts and I don't know if it's good or bad right now.

I was walking home from my older brother where I parked the car. On my way home I looked up at the sky and I talked to both or my grandfathers who both passed away very suddenly, even though in different ways. It's weird, but sometimes when you talk to someone, within your heart, you can feel a kind of warm feeling. It's like I knew they could hear me. I know it sounds crazy, but it's a comfort.

And my friend Linda gave me a phone call while I was driving back home from Skavsta. Finally she stood up against my old friend who doesn't wanna see me anymore, for a lame reason. It felt very nice to know that you actually are important to other people. Important enough that they can stand up against their friends. Thank you.

And finally, my cousin wrote to me on FB saying sorry for the loss. She ended up not talking to me for all the wrong reasons about a year ago, but I hope that she realize that family is imortant, and so sadly reasonly proven. I'm not bitter, I just think it's sad that you turn your back to your family. At the end, that's all we've got.

Now I'm going to bed. I hope you all will have nice dreams.

LIFE AND DEATH

Yesterday was a great day at the theme park with my bf and my mum, her boyfriend and another friend of mine. We went on rides and played a lot of games. It was a nice day outside and the place was packed with happy people.

When we left the theme park, we went up to a bar on the 26th floor, in the middle of the city where we sat down and had a beer. Such a nice night and what a view!

At almost 22.00 my mum got a phone call from my grandma.
My grandfather had passed away from a car accident.

A man so healthy and with so much life and ambition.
I used to consider him as my hero and role model.
I'm so sad, we all are. It really is unbelievable, and even though I said my goodbyes to him at the hospital and feeling his cold face and not hearing his breath, it's so hard to imagine not ever seing him again.

I love you grandfather. I see you again one day.
Love, your Emily.

dancing with my brother

While I was at the dance floor with Linda and the rest were sitting down having a chat and a drink, my brother came up to us and started to dance.

First of all, I have never seen him dance before.
Second of it, he had not much sence of rythm in his body.

I craked up so hard!

we've got tonight

Just came home from the pubs. I had so much fun and ended up dancing for quite a while. Going to bed with dried sweaty hair. Love it. See you tomorrow!

It comes with the genes

Friday friday

Went out to Djurgårn and walked back into town today. Such a nice day, even though you can feel that fall is knocking on the door.

Met up with Fabian, always nice. My bf and Fabian talked a lot about fighting and training, and I get really excited about training whenever that happens. So I already went to the gym today, but I really feel like a run or something, but food is about to be cooked...

Otherwise we're going out tonight so kind of celebrate one of my oldest friends, Linda. Don't know what the night will bring but I'm feeling a bit tired though. Having a kick start with training really is tiring. Just keep it up!

I also went FB stalking my cousin who doesn't speak with me. She moved into a flat with her boyfriend, and it looks really nice.

I can't wait for the day she HAS to meet me. Family's a bitch.

Meet the Fockers

Just came home from dinner at my father and step mum's. It was very nice and fun to see them. It was also the first time for my bf to meet them. I think it went well, even though my they ended up filling him with liqour, wine, beer and Rum and Coke. Eh, I don't wanna say too much about the ending of it all, but the walk from my brother took longer than ever before...

across the lake

Good morning.

Not much to say. I'm loving being off work and having my bf here.
Every day he is also helping me training, so I've got a kick start so that I can continue the next five weeks I'm gonna be here without him.

then when I come back to London I will have moved in with him, I'm so so so excited about that.

Today, in about one and a half hour, we're going to the lake where I live to paddle some canoe, it's gonna be awesome.

Well, hope today's wether allows us to stick to the plans. And hope you can stick to yours.

meat

Cooking lasanga with my bf... It's gonna be awesome to eat.
Been training yesterday and today, I'm so tired now.
Power nap hey hey!

Being away from the internet makes you forget to bring and use the internet and the phone now when you can.

Anyways, I'm back. Hey hey!

from the inside

Hey hey, I'm at the summer house. LOVE IT!

Sun every day and tonight my bf and I are going to have a hot sea weed bath. I'm terrified, but I'm sure I'll live.

Have a good one!