Today

Today has been a funny day. Not in the good way, but I guess not in a bad way either. 

I cannot put words to what it is I am feeling, but after having an amazingly strong week I felt sad again. Or maybe overwhelmed and grateful. Or sentimental. Or confused. Or lonely. Or everything at once. 

So many memories from these past two years have been running loose in my head and I guess after having a couple of weeks of hardly any focus on my feelings, all of a sudden I felt everything. Like a back flash, hitting me hard. I know what I am going though is important and is happening for a reason, but I just can't help but to feel sad that I won't be able to show my love to this one person who has litterally meant the world to me. It's sad because all these memories, are just that from now on, memories. I will not be going to bed and wake up next to him again, and to be honest I think it scares me. And I don't feel ready to let go of these feelings, even though I am trying so hard to.

But then also, in this mess of thoughts and emotions I can't help but to feel so grateful to be able to feel and be so openly vulnerable. I feel grateful to have been able to love someone so hard and I feel grateful for always staying true to who I am. I am sad it is over, but I am grateful for these past two year.