speak you heart

Tonight I made the decision that my long, tiring and confusing fight for K has come to an end. I have litterally no more magic tricks up my sleave to pull out... and I am not even the one that should be trying to fix things at this point.

It feels like I'm so close I could touch it, yet to far and so foreign that I can never understand what's going on inside his head. But after getting nothing but contradictions between words and actions, there really isn't much left I can do to preserve my own heart and wellbeing but to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. At some point it has to stop. At some point you can't go on in the same way. He hasn't done anything so far, he may as well never do anything, and I can't save him.

I'm just fucking pissed off that a person can't be decent enough to be honest and open with me - who have litterally been the closest and most supportive person these past two years and who is still, considering all that has happened, just litterally pouring every little piece I have left of my heart onto him. For what?


I am so incredibly sad and tired. I know I am worthy far more that what has been given to me. He knows it too, yet he doesn't have the courage it takes to make things right - whatever right may be. Silence is not the right way. Not in this case, be it together or apart.