welcome back black

But now I can hear that it's raining. I guess you should be thankful for when you get when you get it.

good bye grey

Today has happened in another way then thought. Instead of the gym I went to the hairdresser to get a haircut. Instead of going to school to practise I went to the bank and to return some clothes that didn't fit. And now I've been practising the last hour. Gonna do some more practising before someone comes home, and then I'm gonna go to the gym when peak hour is over.

I loved having a normal day not working and not going to school. I haven't had one, except Sundays, since I really don't remember. Some me time. And the weather was great. Hello Spring!

Woke up and it's sunny. I love waking up when the sun is up. Makes it seem that the whole day is gonna be good. And today I have that feeling. It's actually like a me day today. I'm gonna go to the gym, go to school to practise and go into central to return some things, and then study and wait for my bf to come home to tell me how his first day at school was. That sounds like a pretty good day to me.

heart day.

Things are definately falling into place here. And today at work I made as much as 21.80 pound for the company. I think they pay me about three times that for my days work.

So it's Valentines day today. My bf took me for some dinner and we had some lovely stoned sea bass. And now we just got out of the bath tub and crawling into bed to watch Inception. Just a brilliant film.

No Doubt

Serious stuff is going on right now that I feel that I need to share with you guys who cares.

First. Yesterday wasn't that good that ou might have read in the latest post. I had some serious doubt about many things and I think I almost made a great misstake splitting from my boyfriend who has done nothing but being supportive. Well we're still together and today was great. In fact, this very moment is sooooo good.

Then to the other good stuff.
I'm leaving my shit hole in Ears Court for something a better and bigger. One of my customers at Fenwick offered me to stay with her. A really nice interior designer named Sylvia. Isn't that great and exciting?!

And another thing I wanna forward is the fact that my boyfriend came home a bit drunk the other night and after he fell asleep I couldn't, so I woke him up to have sex. I love my sleeping time so that was a big deal. But don't you think that he had forgotten about it the day after? Oh yes he did. So he's meking up for it right now.

Gotta go.

doubt

There's a lot going on in my head. I really can't put thoughts into words and when I try it comes out in a bad way.

The school is making you doubt yourself all the time and even though you might have the strongest mind, it gets to you sometimes. But that's the reality of this world so I guess it's a great lesson to go through, even though you sometimes feel like shit. That your spending your time and money on something that's impossible.

On Thursday Elin and I got into talking about death. And it is a scary thing even though I'm not scared of death itself. But the thought of people you love dying is horrible and the fact that it really happen anytime... well, it makes me think that maybe I should be where my family is and just enjoy the time I have with them. I saw a man get hit by a car the other day, and it made me think.

But on the other hand I know there's only one life you get in this world, and they wouldn't want me to, and I wouldn't want to, not persue a dream and to work hard to get where I want to be. But it is hard. I miss them, and I miss my friends in Sweden. I'm terrible at keeping contact, so sometimes I wonder if they think about me as the friend I was, or if I'm a fading memory.

And finally, yes, I am sometimes doubting being in a relationship. Especially the one I'm in right now. I love the guy, but I can never give him the effection he gives to me. I'm a complex person, and emotions like you should have in a relationship is hard for me. I really can't say what I feel with the right words, and it makes me doubt because he deserves someone that's sure. I hate the feeling of being unfair, and I think that's the maid reason why I'm doubting.

Doubt.

I've heard two things about doubt.

When in doubt, leave it out. (about shopping)

When in doubt, try it and see what come out. (about music)

I just wonder what's right for me to do. I know I would not become a happy person if I didn't work harder then this to become a great and praised musician. But when it comes to love, I don't know it I have what it takes to make thing work. And that worries me.

eotgig

yeeehaa

Ticket's booked. I'm stoked!

Should I stay or should I go

I'm looking at tickets to Sweden for Midsummer weekend in June. Should I book or should I wait? I mean, I know I'm going home for sure......

keep on liftin'

I got to sing my lead song today. Funking hell. Not what I expected coming out from my mouth. But in a bad way. Sometime you just wonder why the hell you're doing something... today was one of those days. I wonder what the hell I actually can sing. I know I might be a bit too negative about myself, but seriously.

And when it comes to the backing vocals there's only 25 % that's in tune. Elin is a nerd. I wish I was a nerd too. That's why I will always carry around my small keyboard so that I can practise whenever, wherever.